Saturday, November 13, 2010

Definitions and Facts.

bravado: [bruh-vah-doh]
1. a. A blustering swaggering conduct.
b. A pretense of bravery.
2. The quality or state of being foolhardy.

arrogance: [ar-uh-guhns]
1. an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.

If anyone asked me what two things I hate the most in a man, it would be bravado and arrogance..... for the sheer fact that I bring enough of it to the table for the both of us. Everything I say and do is coated in layers upon layers of pretentious nonsense, and it's nearly impossible to get an answer out of me that has some real emotional depth connected to it.... most especially when I've made a conscious decision to be as evasive as possible.

Basically, I'm an impossible woman.

It's impossible to tell what I want, what I'm thinking, or how I'm feeling. Even asking me a direct question doesn't work because I'll still find some way to turn my answer into a sarcastic quip.

Given all this though - And I know this is going to come as a shock. Brace yourselves - I do, in fact, have feelings. As much as I love to tell people that my heart is a frozen block of ice, in truth, it's rather squishy and quite vulnerable. It stands to reason that someone with a puffy, delicate heart would use whatever defense they have to keep from being hurt. It also stands to reason that those defenses are not ones that are easily breached.

It's because of all of this that men generally find me kind of frosty and unattractive. And when I say "kind of," I mean "completely"... If the White Witch and Frosty the Snowman had a love child, that would be me. When given the choice between me and someone easier (i.e. anyone else ever), I'm not going to be anyone's first choice. I'm much too much work, I'm way too mean, and it's going to take some time for there to be any payoff. The only things I love are ridiculous - like unicorns and plushies and cute baby animals and cupcake-scented candles and anything with glitter - and the only things I like to do went out of fashion 30 years ago. To sum it up, you'd have to be insane to want to be with me... insane and extremely persistent because it takes a hell of a lot to get me to actually be honest and not coat everything I say in dripping sarcasm.

And I can assure you, no man is that persistent. Not for me at least.
Which is why, I suppose, I was gifted with such amazing friends.. someone has to love all this crazy... and I'm okay with that.

Because this post has been particularly self-serving, I'm leaving you with this adorable, gratuitious picture of Roly Poly Snowman soft toy by FantasticToys. Eveything in this shop is super cute.. and this snowman is sort of how I imagine I would look if I was a frozen ball of ice... oh wait...

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