Friday, December 3, 2010

Mystery solved.

I always ask myself why it is that every guy that's interested in me treats me like shit. Today, though, I finally figured it out.

Answer: Because every nice guy that's interested in me, I treat like shit.
Oh yes.
It's classy.
And oh so attractive, I might add.

I wish I could provide some deep psychological insight into why I am the way I am, why I ruin every good thing, why I have some pathological need to hurt anyone who tries to get close to me. I wish I had a good excuse. I wish I hadn't become my Father circa 1999.

I could say I was scared to let anyone get close to me, but this isn't a Lifetime movie. I could say that I expect even the nice ones to be secretly trying to make a break for it and I've decided to hurt them before they hurt me, but I'm 20 years old and that's a revenge plot that sounds like it was hatched by a grade-schooler. I could say that I'm just unlovable, but I have people who love me very much and I don't spend my time constantly alienating them. I could stay all of those things... some of them may be true, but that doesn't make them okay.

Maybe romance just isn't my thing. Maybe I'll just say that. Maybe It's my destiny to bounce from shitty guy to shitty guy until I'm old and gray and left with nothing but my bitterness to keep me warm at night. I always thought I would be good at love. Looks like the answer to that is a resounding "no." I'm good at hurting people. I suppose everyone needs a talent.

1 comment:

  1. Realizing what your problems are is the first step to solving them. This already puts you above most others in terms of your humanity. Don't fret though; at some point you will reach a temet nosce that will tell you how to live. If you keep on keeping on, I don't doubt that you'll get there eventually.