A bitter pill.

Yesterday, I made a promise that I would be okay. A stupid, stupid promise that is going to end up being the hardest thing I'll ever have to do. I'm not good at being selfless, at "being the bigger person," and I'm certainly not good at letting things slip away without a fight. But I have to stop fighting because I promised I would stop fighting, and I have to be happy because, unfortunately, I promised that too. My problems are my own to cope with now even though I haven't slept in days and there's no way I should be coping with anything solo.

Oh well. My word is my word and I suppose situations like these are why large doeses of blueberry pie and iced coffee were invented... and crocheting, of course.

This guy is my next project:I started him this morning in Red Heart Super Saver Gold yarn. When he's finished (whenever the hell that will be), he's going to be quite large. It's been a long time since I've worked on a large crocheted plushie and I think it will be a welcome distraction from the current mess that is my life.

As a side note, I spent my Saturday night at my Aunt Trudy's 60th birthday party and while I was there, I met this wonderful tea cup - adorable, great personality, looking for something long-term. All I had to do for us to be together was to liberate him from his last relationship with the Italian restaurant we happened to be at, and you know, with a purse as large as mine, it wasn't difficult.

Isn't he just perfect? I think this is the beginning of something really beautiful.

And now off I go to eat some more pie, watch some more Boston Legal, and do some more extravagant online shopping. Oh and I'm going to be happy. Really really happy.

Oh my Momma told me there'll be days like this.

"When everyone is upfront

and they're not playing tricks.
When you don't have no freeloaders

out to get their kicks.

When it's nobody's business
the way that you wanna live.

I just have to remember

there'll be days like this."

I didn't sleep last night. By the time my head finally hit the covers, dawn was just beginning to break and light was shining through my bedroom window. I couldn't stop crocheting, even though my swollen, achey fingers were protesting and I must have unraveled more than I actually finished, I needed to be distracted. Desperately.

No matter how much I rage against the passage of time, it doesn't help. People die, people leave, things change. No amount of crocheted necklaces and cowls and food and creatures can stop that; their creation is just masking the the hours that are slipping past in something cute and fluffy.. and tangible. Maybe I just need something to hold on to.

People keep trying to tell me that nothing really ends, things just change, people adapt, that's life and it's going to be okay. Well guess what? That's not my life. People need to stop leaving. It's getting rediculous already. I don't want to adapt. I don't want to be left behind anymore. And it's certainly not "okay." I know I sound like a petulant child, but don't you think it's high time someone whined a little? We all just go along with decisions we hate and changes we didn't sign up for as if it's supposed to be this way, as if the "adult" thing to do is to become life's doormat and society was meant to be made up of a bunch of emotional martyrs. Life never has to be lived on anyone elses terms, no matter how much you love them or how many times you're told it's not allright to be a little selfish.

I'm going to stop fighting time, it can prattle on as it likes, and find something real to sink my teeth into, something that will have some impact. And I'm going to keep crocheting until my fingers are calloused and bleeding, until I run out of band aids, until every idea I have is utterly and completely spent, until there's no yarn left and my floor is covered in scraps. I'm going to keep crocheting until things change - into what I want them to be.

Gorgeous.

Even though I have a million yarn-y things to do today, I stumbled upon Elizabeth Scott's Etsy page and simply had to share. Ms. Scott specializes in breathtakingly beautiful botanical jewelry ranging from necklaces to rings to earrings. Everything is made from the highest quality, tarnish resistant sterling silver unless otherwise stated which gives all of her pieces an unmistakable gleam. It seems she has a knack of capturing the spirit of whatever object she is trying to create. Perhaps is is because she uses the object itself as a starting point.

"My botanical pieces are created from the plant itself, either from a mold or an impression of the leaf, or a casting of the whole organic object. I make one original piece, then multiple castings are made by a professional caster in 100% recycled silver or gold."
(from her profile)

Ms. Scott seems to live in the perfect location to be inspired by the things around her. It is no wonder I just want to snatch up all of her pieces. Just read what she has to say about inspiration in her 2008 Esty Featured Seller Interview

"Living in a rural area makes it very easy to pick up a leaf or flower and think, “I have to make something out of this.” It’s always an object I have a personal connection to and one that I hope others will find meaning in. I make design choices that won’t get in the way of everyday wear because I think that the way something looks and how it feels are both equally important. I like the clean look of a single material, sterling silver, and I like to create simple pieces that focus on one design element."

It's obvious she's in love with what she does, and, frankly, aren't those the sellers you want to purchase from? Her passion comes through in every single item, and her pictures and descriptions are as vibrant as her pieces. In my opinion, if you're looking for a gift for someone you love, a best friend, or a favorite relative, her shop is the place to start.

Here are a few of my personal favorites:

Large Poppy Ring

Tiny Apple Blossom Ring Set

Delicate Twig Stacking Ring Set


The shipping on all of these pieces is incredibly, incredibly reasonable and she'll even gift wrap them for you free of charge. Oh! And because this lovely woman thinks of everything, for $1 she'll sell you a ring sizer so you never have to play the "what's my ring size?" game again.

So head on over to her shop and browse. I promise you'll find something to fall in love with. I certainly did.

One Crazy Summer.

What a great movie. I adore John Cusack and I can honestly say it's the first and last time I've appreciated Demi Moore in anything.

It's also how I've been feeling a lot lately. This summer is nuts. There's been adventure, love, heartache, cliffhangers, drama, mystery... everything a good plot life needs to stay interesting (and keep me from sleeping).

I got a wonderful package of T-shirts from Threadless Tees last week that I'll have to model tomorrow but my most exciting new editions came from my dear friend over at EveryEskimo. Tillie arrived last week and, of course, I had to document her delivery!
Her box.. adorned with adorable polka-dotted tape! So cute. I swear, everything Regina does makes me want to squeal with joy.
Her little tissue paper! (Of course at this point, because Regina is so thorough and I was dizzy with over-excitement, it had just taken me 20 minutes to get the box open and get to this point. The suspense was killing me!)
And here she is! Itty bitty and packaged with care. She also came with some cute, hand cut tags, a vintage picture, and a personal note. There was some serious love in that box.
And last but not least, here is my EveryEskimo family portrait. Ickabelle and Everyone thinks I'm a Monster (whose name is actually Charles) are in the back row, my own custom made foundling rests in the middle, and Tillie and Shell (who was purchased for me by someone very special as a suprise) complete the picture in the front. I think Tillie looks practically ready to giggle in this picture, don't you?

It's always a pleasure doing business with Regina and I encourage anyone looking for some great vintage finds or an incredibly unique plushie to head over to her shop right away!

Speaking of shops.. mine has been a bit slow lately. As I said a few posts ago, I'm hoping to get some new patterns in there soon. Unfortunately, I have so many ideas at this point that I can't seem to just stick to one project at a time! I'm working on a cowl right now that I'm hoping to have finished within the week and I'll be starting something new tonight.. I also can't stop thinking about those Charley Harper needlepoint patterns. AND I still have to finish my suprise project..

Oh summertime. How I love you.

What a Weekend!

So this had to have been one of the best Fourth of July celebrations ever. I ended up going down to Ocean Grove, where my Grandparents have their beach house, on Friday and I stayed until Sunday night. I got to spend a good chunk of it with Boyfriend, Asbury Park had the most amazing fireworks display and the cupcakes were a hit!

Grandpy even liked them! (Thankfully, more than he liked me taking a picture of him!) The patriotic striping came out great and Walmart had those adorable picks on sale when I went on Thursday. The shock of my life was when I found out those baby pinwheels actually spin! The only downside to the cupcakes was that they were rather crumbly (probably due to the copious amounts of frosting weighing down on the delicate cake) but they were still uber-tasty and I simply couldn't resist putting that pom-pom-esque red glob of frosting on the top. The cupcakes just wouldn't have been the same without it!

Sunday, Boyfriend and I hit the beach and then hung out for the fireworks that night. [Cue gratuitous shot of boyfriend on the beach]

The fireworks were marvelous. Asbury Park set off two separate, simultaneous displays on the beach about a block apart. We happened to pick a spot on the boardwalk that was directly behind one of the detination points. We were literally looking straight up at them. I'm not normally a big fan of fireworks. Mostly I find them noisy and rediculous, but these were mind-blowing.. and having Boyfriend an inch away certainly helped in the fireworks' favor.

It was a fabulous weekend, overall... even though I'm pretty sure I got sun poisoning. I'll probably be posting later.. Some goodies came in the mail today that I can't wait to share!

Lay on, Macduff

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that time doesn't stop. It may seem as if things are dragging on or blissfully lasting forever (depending on what kind of connotation you want to apply to the perceived slowing of time) but time never puts it seatbelt on, folds up its refreshment tray, and comes to a full and complete stop. It just doesn't happen. And if time is going to keep moving, than I have to as well. I may not be able to keep up, but I can sure as hell try. I'm still scared, but I can't hide under my covers while the world passes me by. I've never been one to stop fighting.

I have to continue with my life. I bought more material today to work on that mystery project from a few posts ago (which I'm hoping to have finished up very very soon). I went shopping for adorable patriotic toppers for the 4th of July cupcakes I'm making tomorrow. I've got 3 new crochet projects going. I'm just going to keep chugging along.

As a completely unrelated side-note, I am in love with Sleepyrobot13's Etsy shop. Her tag line is "Things u never knew you needed" and she is completely correct. Her little polymer robots are heartbreakingly adorable and I want every single one. Here are just a few samples of her genius:

Each one is cuter than the next! For $12 a piece, you can afford to splurge and get a few... that is, if you can decide which ones to purchase!

Regrets

I've never been the kind of person who regrets anything. I live my life how I like and whatever happens is the result of my own decisions and I have never felt as if any of my decisions shouldn't have been made. Every step I've taken, every relationship I've been in has brought me to where I am today.

I've never been the kind of person who regrets anything... until today. My boyfriend is moving. Typing it that way makes it sound so silly and trivial, like I should just be okay with it. I'm not okay. I feel as if we've wasted so much time butting heads and being stubborn that we never appreciated what we had. Now he's leaving. And I'm running out of time.

There were so many things I wanted to do. I wanted to eat breakfast on the beach and watch the sunrise. I wanted to spend an entire day in bed just eating ice cream out of the container and hiding under the covers. I wanted to introduce him to my favorite movies and songs. I wanted to run through the rain. I wanted spend another day just wandering around the city. I wanted to buy him a replacement cup of hot chocolate. I wanted to take him to the little movie theatre in Bradley Beach and eat at the old Italian restaurant next door. I wanted to go dancing. I wanted to drink our anniversary wine. I wanted to introduce him to all of my friends. I wanted to cook for him - really cook for him. I wanted to visit his Mother in Virginia. I wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History and the Met and Central Park and the zoo. I wanted to share my favorite books with him. I wanted to have more crazy, spontaneous, middle-of-the-night adventures. I wanted there to be quiet moments over cups of coffee. I wanted to wear more funny hats.

But we can't. Everything's changing. Time is short. These things will never happen. I can feel him slipping away, starting a new life with a new routine, new worries, and new priorities. I don't think I've ever faced anything this difficult and I don't think I've ever gone through this many tissue boxes in one day.

I'm sorry to digress from the usually sunny blog posts, but I had to get this out. I've never been this heartbroken and I've never considered time "wasted" before today. I'm scared.