It's been a long time coming...

So here I am with school about to start in less than a week and I couldn't be more excited. I can't wait to see all my friends again, to get back to work, to feel like I have some kind of purpose - like I'm working towards something again. Also, I'm bright-eyed and bushy-tailed after returning from vacationing in Disney World with my Dad (we drive down every year - it's a fantastic mess and I love every minute of it).

To start the year off right, I've spent the last few days surrounded by some amazing people. Tuesday was the movies, today was bubble tea and a shopping extravaganza! I can't even describe the two awesome pairs of boots I purchased today..... or the adorable hat.

I'm still trying to work on some new stuff for the shop. I'm not quite sure when it's going to be back up, but when it does reappear, it's going to be chock full o' goodies!

To tide you over until then, here is an fantastic, completely unrelated picture of Karl Urban as everyone's favorite Lord of the Mark, Eomer.

Birthday!

Well, now that it's my birthday and I've spent the last few days making my heart as cold and frosty as a frozen Lean Cuisine, I can finally enjoy myself (at least more than I was). I went shopping at Anthropologie today and picked up some adorable new sweaters:

I've been lining up some online purchases now that I have some serious birthday money:

I'm also using food, sugary drinks and fan fiction in addition to my inordinate spending to try to build some semblance of a life and remain as chilly as possible in the face of.. well, everything.

I'm so hollow, baby.

Well, he's gone.
He's gone and I'm a bundle of contradicting emotions and unfulfilled needs- I'm happy for him and excited for all of the opportunities that lie ahead of him, but I'm also lonely and frustrated and restless and confused.

It's almost 3am and no matter how many of the questions running through my head I try to answer, there always seem to be more. It seems through all of this, we've just become friends who kiss occasionally. I can't reduce my daily life into 160 characters or less and neither can he. Texting is a shitty way to communicate and it certainly doesn't help with my detachment issues. Things happen, good and bad, and he misses so much, as I'm sure I do as well. I really thought getting all of this out of the way would give us more time to get closer again, but the move itself just seems to have intensified my loneliness and frustration and our detachment.

I can feel myself beginning to build walls again. I'm allowing my life to be consumed by reruns of Star Trek and terribly written fanfiction. I spend my days mapping out countless crochet projects and my nights reading romance novels littered with pirates and princesses and relationships that work out despite the fact that the heroine used to be a snob or a prostitute and the prince has a skin disease. I play out elaborate scenarios about Paris in my head and pretend I'll actually make it there someday. I pretend things are better. I'm steeling myself. I'm pulling away.

My birthday is Monday and I've never been less excited about it. I guess I'll have to build a few more walls and mentally box up a few more things if I'm going to get through this week, let alone beyond that. Bring on the imaginary packing tape - it's time to clean house.

It may be over but it won't stop there,I am here for you if you'd only care.You touched my heart, you touched my soul.You changed my life and all my goals.And love is blind and that I knew whenMy heart was blinded by you.I've kissed your lips and held your hand,Shared your dreams and shared your bed,I know you well, I know your smell.I've been addicted to you.Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.You have been the one.You have been the one for me.

I'm sick.

It currently feels as if there is something that has weaseled its way underneath my face and is now trying to escape by pushing against the underside of my cheekbones and attempting to remove my skin. It's gruesome and painful and very ill-timed. I have projects to finish, a shop to update, and a birthday coming up! And, on top of all of that, my DVD player seems to be completely wigging out making it impossible for me to watch anything. Now I get to watch VH1's 100 greatest songs of the 90s for about the 30th time. Today is decidedly not cool.

My father is convinced that being so stressed and angry has burned up all of my B-vitamins therefore making it more likely that I'll be sick. He bought me some organic green grapes and spent yesterday brandishing them at me as if they were a cure-all. Super, right? In his defense, they were really good grapes. Now I'm eating brownies and downing Sudafed chased with Mountain Dew. Like I said, today is decidedly not cool.

Time to go bury my face in a pillow and pray for some relief.. or at least some company.

Gratuitous photo (courtesy of GQ Germany. Volkswagens and now this.. I think the Germans may be making a comeback. Just saying.)