TilliEllie

This is all Snipps' fault.

2011-10-14T17:07:00.004-04:00

Wow. I haven't updated since March. I can barely even remember March! In all honesty, I probably wouldn't be updating now if Snipps' Tumblr post inspired by my dessert post hadn't inspired me to start writing again. Yeah, there was a lot of inspiration running around.

Some things have changed since the last time I posted, and, at the same time, not much has changed at all. I'm still watching Merlin, enjoying my metaphorical cupcake, and spending much too much time in the library looking at the folklore books (which they moved, by the way, to the dungeon. Because we couldn't just keep them where they were before. Oh no. The music majors had to have their fucking music on the middle level so now I have to sit in the fucking dungeon if I want to do research because those selfish pricks couldn't just be happy they even had a fucking section. Okay. I'm good now. As a side note, my cupcake is a music major. Go figure.).

Anyway, this summer was a long one. I started a Sir Leon appreciation Tumblr which I gave up after about 3 weeks because life got in the way. For those of you who don't know, which is pretty much everyone, my Grandmother was very ill this summer and my Mother and I spent most of our time dealing with that. She's allright now so no need to retroactively panic - in fact the doctors say she'll be 100% better by Christmas - but it was a very time consuming and stressful thing that took up most of my time and energy.

Also, and I know this is totally unrelated and not even remotely in the vein of what I was just talking about, but I seriously hate it when people eat in the library. A drink is fine, no need to dehydrate yourself, but do you seriously need a tuna sandwich right now? Seriously?! Right now?!? And do you need to chew like a cow? I don't need to hear you chew from across the room! It's gross! Your tuna is gross! I hope you choke! I've had a lot of sugar today.

Getting back to my life story though, this summer my time was divided between my Grandmother and my super-amazing cupcake, which is good, because I needed some normalcy in my life. Yeah, we had our ups and downs (what baked good hasn't had it's stale days?) but the important thing is that you find a way to work around funky colored frosting and crumby cake batter and you stick to it. I learned a lot this summer about myself and the kind of person I am in a crisis. There are things I wish I was better at, but overall, I think I'm not so bad to have around. It really, overall, comes down to this: Someone has to hold it together, to be the end of the line. If it's somebody else, try not to overwhelm them. If it's you, hold on tight and try to find a way to keep it together, because people are counting on you.

And now to end this post, I will add a picture of Sir Leon. The incredibly adorable knight of the round table played by Rupert Young, who I all too briefly dedicated a tumblr too. This one's for you, Leon.

No words.

2011-03-26T17:43:00.005-04:00

I am so sick. No, really. Deathly ill. I really do think I might actually be dying. Slowly. While watching Merlin and trying not to drool every time I see Gwaine. (which is super difficult because he's super yummy.)
Anyway, this post really isn't supposed to be about Eoin Macken or Merlin or how excited I am that we're getting closer to meeting the knights of the round table. It's really supposed to be about how amazing my boyfriend is, but I don't think I can do that. Unfortunately, I've come to realize that the proper words don't exist in the English language in order to facilitate my gushing. Seriously. I'm at a loss. Sitting here writing sentence after sentence beginning with the words "I love" and ending with some amazing thing he does seems repetitive and completely and totally inadequate. Sometimes what you're feeling for someone transcends words.

All I have are feelings and looks and the ridiculously rowdy butterflies that seem to have permanently taken up residence in my chest. I know my skin tingles every time he touches it, and every time we go to an art museum and stare at the impressionist paintings or he listens as I ramble on about architecture and how much I hate rococo revival or he makes me dinner I want to cry because I'm not sure how I got to be this lucky. I know there is nothing more wonderful than being in his arms and I know that I turn into a puddle of mush when he smiles at me. I know these things, and I know how he feels about me, and I know how I feel about him. So, really, I guess I don't need to sit here and make a ridiculous list.

Back to Merlin I go.

Recap. (or what to do when one locates their cupcake.)

2011-03-03T16:53:00.004-05:00

I'm going to start off this post by saying this is all a completely hypothetical situation. Naturally. This does not relate directly to my real life at all. Nope. Not a bit.

So there was Jell-o. Life was miserable and sad and no one wants to talk about it. It's a simple fact that one bad dessert has the propensity to bleed over into every other aspect of your life until you wake up one morning and realize you're sick of settling for something they only feed to dying people in hospitals.

Okay. Moving on.

Then there was an interim dessert that isn't even worth mentioning because you figured out rather quickly that while it was all yummy looking on the outside, it was actually made of Marzipan. Oh yes. Marzipan. Worst let down ever? I think so. Disgusting? Yes, that too.

Then there was the Pie/Cake dilemma. Oof. There are no words for this one. This is that moment when you realize you've been staring at the dessert case trying to make a decision for way too long and all of the free samples they gave you sucked. It's the first time in your life that you decide not to have any dessert at all because, well, ew. It's all super-gross.

Then you swear off desserts and tell everyone that it's such a good idea and that they should do it too because you've finally managed to piece together some self-respect and you feel amazing. Three cheers for no extra calories!

Then it happens. There's this cupcake and it magically appears out of nowhere and it's everything you've ever wanted. (I'm not making this up. Desserts do, in fact, magically appear sometimes. Granted, this is the first time it's ever happened to me.. wait.. I lost track of whether or not I'm speaking about real life or continuing with this thinly veiled metaphor... Never mind.) Anyway, this cupcake is perfect and sweet yet it also simultaneously makes you want to take your clothes off. (What? Desserts don't have that effect on you? Clearly there's something missing in your life.) And you're happy. No really, you are. You're disgustingly happy like a little girl who actually convinced someone to buy her a pony. And you giggle. A lot.

So what do you do now? Well, you try to carry on and not act like a complete lunatic all the time. You also find something else to talk about because there comes a time when even your best friend gets a little overwhelmed by your "THE ENTIRE WORLD IS MADE OF RAINBOWS NOW" philosophy... because it's overwhelming and, well, you're probably acting like a lunatic and wildly gesticulating.

So, in conclusion, life is good. You know, if this were a real scenario. And in that case it would still be about desserts. Not people. Nope.

Good Question.

2011-02-11T19:23:00.003-05:00

I mean, do you? What's the next step after you realize you were super-happy for a month and one of the contributory factors to said happiness just wandered off and is probably never coming back? Do you really still have to run around thinking there's a time when everything is going to be perfect again or is okay to just push on? Does everything have to be part of some master plan that's going to lead to ultimate happiness or is it enough to just make it through sometimes?

I guess, logically (god, now I sound like Millheiser), life has to be a mixture of all of it - the pursuit, the surviving, and all the benal bits in between.

I know right now that I'm just surviving. It's what we Jedics do, we soldier on no matter the circumstances - whether it's a bruised lung or a broken heart. It stands to reason though that eventually I'll get back to the whole pursuing thing, maybe not with the person I'd like to be pursuing some ultimate goal of total happiness with, but it seems that isn't up to me any more. One can only be so reasonable, so understanding, so caring, and so supportive before it becomes the other person's job to just fucking believe you when you say everything short of "Hey, I still think you're wonderful. No matter what."
Because it's the truth.

People.

2011-01-21T20:07:00.002-05:00

I hate them.

Okay, well, maybe "hate" is a strong word. I'm "bothered" by most people, I wish I could "forcefully ignore" more people, I wish everyone I "didn't like" would just disappear into a hole forever... but if that happened, honestly, we'd probably be missing most of the population of Mason Gross.. and that would clearly be such a tragedy.

This isn't a new thing for me, but I feel like I'm being aggravated quite a bit lately by people and their nonsense and their whining and their needs. I mean, c'mon already, do I really give the impression that I care? Really? Me?!

Apparently I need to lay it out -

Your. needs. are. not. my. concern. If you're not relevent to my future, not adorable, not an obsessive Merlin fan, not toting a plush toy, or not Kate Black, I. don't. care.

Really.

I don't.

Don't confuse my ability to play the game for actual concern and if you're reading this and questioning if I actually like you, I probably don't. The people I love know that I love them. End of story.

I really hope I've cleared up some of the confusion now.

Now, I'm going to go read some fanfiction, work on a hat, and maybe, just maybe, get some sleep.... but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Sleep is for people who don't go to theatre school... or have Merlin obsessions.

Reality check.

2011-01-09T21:29:00.006-05:00

You know what I want?

I want the guy who runs around the kingdom saving everyone from mortal peril with no thought for his own life or the fact that he will receive no recognition for what he does.

I want the guy who loses his entire family because his stepmother decides to destroy them in a fit of rage and instead of allowing himself to become bitter and broken, devotes his life to helping complete strangers.

I want the guy who is so afraid he's going to hurt an already broken kingdom that he denies his birthright and goes on a seemingly doomed quest to save the world the only way he knows how.

I think it's obvious I've been immersing myself in a few too many fantasy stories... stories where men are real men - stories where men are heroes, unselfish and unflinching, capable of loving and appreciating those who love them in return. And while I suppose having a Merlin marathon right now isn't the best idea, I can't help myself. I really wish I lived in a world where men like that are everywhere. You know, men who care about you regardless of the fact that you're half a flying panther or being followed around by creepy bounty hunters.

Unfortunately, guys like that don't exist in abundance in real life like they do in fairy tales. The problem is, women think they do. Women like to think that every guy they meet is their Prince Charming in disguise, that they can somehow reform every douchebag they find drooling on themselves in a bar into the man of their dreams.. women are hopeful, optimistic and completely unrealistic morons. Truly, we are. Instead of running around thinking every guy with a handsome face or a good opening line has the potential to be our soul mate (if we can only save them from themselves and all those nasty habits they have, that is), what we all should be doing is trying to find men who are already worth it, who already deserve us, who are already heroes.

So ladies, get yourself a big bowl of popcorn and a glass of wine (not from a box.. self-respect is key in this scenario.) and pop in Lord of the Rings so that the next time you find yourself pining over some loser who is under the impression that it's a-okay to ignore you or drop off the face of the earth or chase after other women when you're clearly interested because you'll obviously always come back for more, you'll be able to say to yourself "Aragorn would never do this to me" and motivate yourself into going out and finding someone who isn't a complete shit.

And now I'll end this post with this gratuitous picture of Colin Morgan:

yum!

New Year?

2011-01-01T13:51:00.003-05:00

Really?
But.. but what if I don't want a new one? I made such a downright mess of last year I had, I don't think I want the responsibility of having to deal with a whole new one! That's like giving a new car to a blind retard and expecting them not to run into a burm the second they change gears. Giving me a new year is such a bad idea. Seriously. SUCH a bad idea.

[Author's Note: I have no idea what to write as a second paragraph. I've tried writing about all of the good things that happened last year, but it got a little ridiculous and irritating. Then I thought "Hey, maybe I'll try outlining all of the things I have to look forward to this year!" but that got a little ridiculous and irritating too. So now you're stuck reading this author's note and wasting your time as I blather on about my writers block. Maybe it's not writers block though, maybe I just don't feel the need to pander to anyone or inundate the few readers I may have with long lists of things they probably don't care about (and that I don't really care to tell them). Maybe it's enough to say that last year kind of sucked, but there were some definite high-points that made it all worth it. Honestly, I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have my weekly adventures with Kate Black, my birthday wouldn't have been half as good if I didn't get to wander around the city and have a suprise sleepover with my Chino... really, honestly, there's nothing like knowing you have the most amazing friends in the world who are going to support you and love you no matter what you get yourself into. And considering how frequently I manage to get myself into some serious shenanigans, it's nice to know I'll always have backup, people to drink or cry with... someone to buy calico critters and chase baby owls with, someone to eat copious amounts of food with, someone to play Wii tennis and shop for funny hats with, someone to watch movies with that have hot, aging British actors in them..... Friends are the best and they make even the worst times worth it. Maybe this author's note wasn't so blather-y and useless after all. Maybe this post should have just been about friendship all along.]

What to do.

2010-12-20T14:47:00.004-05:00

What do you do when everything turns out wrong, your car has made it very clear that it is only going to work when it feels like working and every muscle in your upper body is throbbing because you decided you were going to go on an uber-crazy crocheting kick the weekend before portfolio review?

You say "Fuck it, it's Christmas."

Seriously. This is the only time of year that phrase actually applies so use it, and use it often.

You push through the pain and finish your projects, you survive portfolio review (barely, most likely) and then you get wasted and celebrate the holidays with people you actually like (and who like you quite a bit as well.) Things aren't that bleak. Really. How can they be when you've got a giant tree sitting a few feet away from you and ornaments sprawled all over the floor? Men suck and I'm intolerable - big surprise there - but shelving all that until after the holidays is the best possible thing I can do because, by the time new years rolls around, I know for a fact none of it will mean a damn thing. I'll always be who I am - maybe someday I'll find someone who appreciates me and if not, there are tons of homeless cats I can adopt to fill that void. And I really love kittens so that's not a big sacrifice there. I mean, really people, how could you not love kittens?!? THEY'RE SO SQUISHABLE!
Anyway, I'm getting off topic here. The fact of the matter is, Christmas has this wonderful way of making everything better and I'm planning on taking full advantage of that fact. This week is going to be awesome. Stay tuned for updates.. and maybe even pictures of my finished projects.. if they don't get stolen out of New Theatre that is by whatever jackass thinks it's a-okay to wander off with other people's stuff while they're busy *gasp* doing work in the theatres. I hate people. Not kittens though. Definitely not kittens.

Oh so silly..

2010-12-10T00:46:00.002-05:00

I am an idiot.
Seriously.
This day, this very moment in fact, proves it.

I'm sitting here, almost 1 in the morning, with curlers in my hair and goodies cooling in the kitchen wondering if I've done enough to be appealing. Seriously. Yeah. I'm an idiot. Even more so because honestly, at this point this entire situation has gone from making me feel incredibly special and pretty and interesting to making me feel like a worthless whore and I'm still cranking out baked goods. I still care. I'm still trying.

What the hell is wrong with me?
There aren't even words to describe this level of stupid.

I keep trying to rationalize the whole thing by saying that if this were just a physical thing, there are easier women than me to get that from so it must be something more! He must like me! Yeah! Sure. [cue sardonic look]

Perhaps some back story will provide the answer... December, in recent years, has had an incredibly odd effect on me.. I feel profoundly lonely. Absolutely, almost desperately, lonely and I try to fill that void by giving as much as I can and hoping that other people's happiness will just rub off on me eventually. Either that or I hover around the spiked punch. In both cases though, I'm trying to compensate for something I'm lacking.

Maybe that's what I'm doing here.
Or maybe I'm just hoping that one of these days I'll start to feel special and pretty and interesting again.
Or maybe I'll just never learn my lesson.

It's that kind of day.

2010-12-08T16:49:00.007-05:00

Today was long.

Really really really long.

The sad thing is, I generally don't have a problem with Wednesdays, but today, for some reason, insisted on being problematic. It's like someone somewhere decided that today was going to suck and I was just going to have to hold on tight and wait for the ride to be over. And hold on I did - despite the fact that I forgot half of my life at home this morning and spent the rest of the day trying to make up for it. Also, people can be really creepy sometimes and that certainly didn't help things.

All in all, today calls for Harry Potter fanfiction and a really large mug of tea.

Also.. this picture is hilarious. Just sayin. [Insert joke Lucius Malfoy/pussy-cat joke here]

Mystery solved.

2010-12-03T21:52:00.005-05:00

I always ask myself why it is that every guy that's interested in me treats me like shit. Today, though, I finally figured it out.

Answer: Because every nice guy that's interested in me, I treat like shit.

Oh yes.

It's classy.

And oh so attractive, I might add.

I wish I could provide some deep psychological insight into why I am the way I am, why I ruin every good thing, why I have some pathological need to hurt anyone who tries to get close to me. I wish I had a good excuse. I wish I hadn't become my Father circa 1999.

I could say I was scared to let anyone get close to me, but this isn't a Lifetime movie. I could say that I expect even the nice ones to be secretly trying to make a break for it and I've decided to hurt them before they hurt me, but I'm 20 years old and that's a revenge plot that sounds like it was hatched by a grade-schooler. I could say that I'm just unlovable, but I have people who love me very much and I don't spend my time constantly alienating them. I could stay all of those things... some of them may be true, but that doesn't make them okay.

Maybe romance just isn't my thing. Maybe I'll just say that. Maybe It's my destiny to bounce from shitty guy to shitty guy until I'm old and gray and left with nothing but my bitterness to keep me warm at night. I always thought I would be good at love. Looks like the answer to that is a resounding "no." I'm good at hurting people. I suppose everyone needs a talent.

Really? Well, yes, actually.

2010-12-02T16:45:00.006-05:00

Let's sum up today, shall we? I was forced to drink French Vanilla coffee this morning due to the lack of regular coffee in the whole of the DCC (It was vile. No amount of sugar or cream could save it. It was the worst $1.75 I've ever spent. I wanted to cry.). I went to On the Border with Kate Black, and then to Dunkin Donuts (where I got real coffee. It was glorious.), and then to the dollar store where I spent inordinate amounts of money on various Christmas wrapping papers, package toppers, and presents. Yay!
So, at this point in the story, things aren't looking too bad, right? I was thinking that too. I was going to check today off as a good one and be thoroughly pleased.... until I realized that, once again, I had been food poisoned. There goes Thursday.
Although, on the bright side, Luna always does adorable things when I'm not feeling well. She's currently asleep on my feet (keeping them incredibly warm, I might add) and snoring quite contentedly... and people wonder why I like her more than them. Go figure.

Since I'm pretty much stuck here due the aforementioned sleeping kitty/feet situation (unless I need to puke - then all bets are off), lets chat about secrets. I love them. I also love sharing them. Yeah, I know that makes no sense, but bear with me - I'm about to share some shit! Fun, right?! Okay, well, I'm excited....
Here are some things about me in list form because I really really really love lists. It's a problem.
- I believe in magic.. and I'm pretty sure God is a chick. Don't agree with me? That's cool. To each his own. But don't try to convert me to anything, I'll get really cranky and bitter and I'll probably storm off to keep myself from hurling insults at you. And please, try to remember, a Bible given as a not-so-subtle Christmas present will not be appreciated. Trust me.

- I read the wedding section of the paper every week for two reasons. 1. I love making fun people's ridiculous wedding pictures. 2. Honestly, I find marriage to be the most frightening prospect ever. It's really the only thing I'm afraid of and I give people who are willing to take the plunge all the credit in the world. Dedicating yourself to one person and trusting them to not compeltely screw you over, to me, is one of the bravest things you can do.

- I have an obsession with large, furry hats. While I'm sure this doesn't come as a shock to most people, I do need to confess that I find men in large, furry hats incredibly sexy. I stop and stare at men in large, furry hats - blatently stare. Add a moustache and you'd be hard-pressed to keep me from following the guy home. I'm also a sucker for nice hair or a great ass or a great sense of humor, but I feel like that's a discussion best saved for a personal ad.

- I have a weakness for expensive chocolate and Crumbs cupcakes. Go to Saks Fifth Avenue, go to the dessert bar, and take a look at the chocolate there. Oh. My. God. Yes, there is one that has champagne in it. Yes, it's devine. Yes, I'm obsessed with it. Now, go to Crumbs and look at every single thing they have there. Yes, it's all amazing. Yes, their frosting is the best ever. Yes, I'm obsessed with them too.

- Boston Legal is my favorite show of all time. I want to marry Alan Shore. I want Denny Crane to be my best friend. I want to have drinks with Jeffery Coho. I want Betty White to sell me pastries after she murders someone. I love it. It's funny and human and smart and clever and pure perfection. It's the show I watch when I have a bad day, when I have a good day, when I need to get work done, when I don't want to do any work... I think you get the picture.

- I tell people all the time that I'm going to run away and buy a farm.. but I'm really not kidding. I love animals. If I could move to the middle of nowhere and raise Alpaca and spin yarn and make hats, I totally would. As long as I had a hunky guy with me to kill all the bugs and keep me warm at night.... but mostly to kill all the bugs.

- I still sleep with stuffed animals at night because I can't sleep if I don't have something to cuddle with. I have a cuddling problem. If there's nothing for me to hold on to at night, I'll spend the entire time I'm supposed to be sleeping unconsiciously moving about the bed looking for something to squish and dreaming that I've been abandoned or that I'm being chased by monsters. Just as a side-note, I also tend to be a cover-hog. And a pillow hog. And sometimes I flail. I probably shouldn't be allowed to share a bed with anyone.

- I either eat nothing or I eat way too much. Some days, I'm not hungry at all, and others, I'm craving a steak so badly that when I finally get one, I rip it apart like an animal. It all depends on my mood. Most days, though, I just eat frosting and drink some Mountain Dew and life is good. Really though, never get between me and a steak. I like it rare, I like it bloody, and I don't like anyone fucking with it.

Wow, that was a lot of sharing.
P.S. I love Kawaii Not.

Octopus.

2010-11-28T17:39:00.002-05:00

I want one.

I mean, yes, I want a lot of animals, but I feel like an octopus would be especially fun to have despite the fact that I couldn't take it out of the water for fear it would go the way of the tiny water frogs of my youth (aka it would be dead and I would cry). But I could keep it in an awesomely cool tank and watch it wander in and out of glass bottles and hide underneath tons o' coral.

......and maybe poke at it occasionally.

Enough is enough.

2010-11-26T20:28:00.004-05:00

I have just about had it with people and their ridiculous misconceptions about me, and, as such, I think it's high time we got some things straightened out. Is this going to be a tell-all expose about my life? Eh, no, probably not, I really don't have all day, but there really are some points that need to be touched on.

First of all, it's true, I've made more than my share of mistakes in the past few months and that's left me feeling a but vulnerable. I messed around with the wrong men, put off all of my work, and I'm pretty sure my liver is about to jump ship, but that doesn't mean I'm broken and/or otherwise incapable of carrying on. People make bad decisions all the time and then get on fine with the rest of their lives without the unsolicited advice of everyone they know. It's tough to be 20, especially when you make rash emotionally-driven decisions like I do, but I'll make it, I'll survive, and I'll use whatever coping mechanisms I can until I'm really feeling right again, regardless of whether or not they're popular. The overall message of this paragraph: It would be super if you could all back off. Okay? Thanks.

Secondly, I do some ridiculous things, yes, but that doesn't make me crazy. Passionate? Maybe. Fool-hardy? Possibly. Determined? Definitely. But not crazy. When I want something, I go after it, vigorously, and if I don't end up with it in the end... well, let's just say it's more than a little bit devastating. I was always taught that hard work and determination will get you what you want in this world - I've never had to cope with that not ringing true. I'm confused right now, and, I'll admit it, sad. However, I'll get over this too, I'm a big girl... it may just take me a bit longer. The overall message of this paragraph: I'm hurt right now, and even more confused about life than I normally am, but that doesn't mean I want your advice or your sympathy. You can all back off when it comes to this too. Okay? Thanks.

Lastly, I drink. I drink when I'm rendering, I drink when I'm watching football, I drink on holidays, and I drink with my friends. Do I have a drinking "problem?" No. Do I give a shit if you think I do? No. Also, when I drink, I have a tendency to post things on Facebook and text people. Are those practices wreckless and immature? Probably. Again, do I give a shit if you think I'm wreckless or immature? No. I make my own decisions, right or wrong, and then I live with them. The overall message of this paragraph: If you want to judge what I do, that's okay, but don't think I care about your opinion on any of my actions. Again, backing off is probably the best plan. Okay? Thanks.

So, what have we all learned here today? Well, I think the moral of this tyrade is you all really don't know me or my life and therefore your advice is both completely baseless and unhelpful. It would be amazing if you could stop proffering it like I'm some scared kid who needs their hand held and their life straightened out. While I do generally like holding hands, it seems inappropriate in these particular circumstances. Seriously, it does.

Movie Endings.

2010-11-22T16:30:00.006-05:00

"So... what happened next?"
"What do you mean? Nothing happened. That's the end of the story."
"What?! It can't be! Something had to have happened! You opened up, you practically wrote a book for Christ's sake! You can't tell me 'that's the end of the story' because I don't believe you."
"I'm sorry. I may lie about a lot of things, but that really was the end."
"Oh. I'm... well, I'm sorry."

Looking back on this conversation as I'm sitting on my couch eating donuts and watching Bridget Jones' Diary, I can understand why she was so disappointed. At the time, I wanted to punch her in the face- how dare she exacerbate my embarrassment by not instantly comprehending the fact that my expression of feelings meant nothing! Now, though, I totally get it. She was looking for John Cusack outside my window with a boom box or Colin Firth at my front door holding a new diary and completely in love with me despite the fact that I'm a total loon. She made the fatal mistake, as I often seem to, of mistaking real life for the movies. In movies, John Bender turns out to have a heart of gold and Bridget Jones gets a man. In real life, Bender is just a pot-smoking tool and Ms. Jones is doomed to a lonely life filled with binge drinking and daytime television because despite her clever, charming personality, no man wants to date an uncoordinated nut (trust me). In real life, our heroes and heroines end up lonely. Reality renders the the people we root for as just people, not being helped along by the gentle nudge of a writer but completely on their own, dangling in a sea of emotional confusion and making the best decisions they can without having someone who already knows the ending of their story pen their every word.

Thus, it's hard to live in real life. Here there are no movie studios pressuring the director for a happy ending, no "chance meetings" on street corners that allow the characters to work out their differences, no quirky, meddling friends who are determined to get our hero and heroine to realize they've been meant for each other all along. In real life, we're alone and constantly stumbling through one situation and then straight into another; there are no pauses or montages where we get to reflect, no clear-as-day flashbacks to help us remember how we felt about something, we don't get a musical number to help us understand our seemingly incomprehensible feelings, and when something is particularly tough, no one is going to cue the apperance of some random old person who just happens to have an anecdote that completely relates to our problems.

Real life is all about figuring out incredibly difficult things on your own, which means, logically, you're going to fuck a lot of things up.. and, unfortunately, no one is going to step in to guarantee you get a second chance.

The rest of the conversation went as follows, in case you're curious:
"Do you think you'll ever hear from him again?"
"Probably not. I'm clearly insane and I'm a huge pain in the ass, no one would subject themselves to that."
"But there's still hope."
"I guess, I don't know."
"C'mon, hunny, there's always hope."

Clearly someone has seen too many John Hughes movies.

Also..

So true.

Honesty.

2010-11-19T14:28:00.004-05:00

Yeah, I know what you're thinking.. "Honesty really isn't your thing, hunny. You should probably stick to what you know, like lying and cheating and sarcastic comments. Oh, and while you're at it, go buy some more rediculous hats and break some more hearts because you're good at those things too."

Shockingly enough, though, I'm much better at honestly than I think anyone would give me credit for. Seriously - it's almost at much fun as lying. I spent last night going through my contacts and texting all of the people I loved and missed and all of the ones I've been wanting to punch in the face but haven't for fear of getting too carried away and/or getting arrested. My shining achievement though, if I do say so myself, was my midnight note which was chock full of both honesty and my token rambling. Today, I feel pretty damn amazing. Honesty really might be the best policy... although strawberry cake with oodles of frosting certainly helps.

I really don't know where to go from here, hell, I don't even know why I typed that, because frankly, I'm not sure I have to "go" anywhere. Imma just sit right here and reap the benefits of being honest. Yup. That sounds like a plan. Oooo.. and I'm also going to work on some Christmas presents. And eat more cake. And continue to wear this hat despite the fact that I'm inside.

This is going to be a good weekend... and life is definitely looking up.

When all the desserts in the case turn out to be rotten...

2010-11-17T16:50:00.003-05:00

...you soldier on.

No, really, you do. You realize that someday you're going to meet someone who is going to run toward you, not away from you. You also come to terms with the fact that you've spent the last few days feeling like a crazy person because you care too much about people to just let things stand and not pursue something you're passionate about.

Oh well.

A rotten dessert is a rotten dessert - there's nothing you can do about it. Everything can't be saved.

Also.... if I was a dessert.....
Evidently this is just a bit too sweet and overwhelming (emphasis on "overwhelming") for most.

Definitions and Facts.

2010-11-13T19:26:00.006-05:00

bravado: [bruh-vah-doh]
–noun
1. a. A blustering swaggering conduct.
b. A pretense of bravery.
2. The quality or state of being foolhardy.

arrogance: [ar-uh-guhns]
–noun
1. an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.

If anyone asked me what two things I hate the most in a man, it would be bravado and arrogance..... for the sheer fact that I bring enough of it to the table for the both of us. Everything I say and do is coated in layers upon layers of pretentious nonsense, and it's nearly impossible to get an answer out of me that has some real emotional depth connected to it.... most especially when I've made a conscious decision to be as evasive as possible.

Basically, I'm an impossible woman.

It's impossible to tell what I want, what I'm thinking, or how I'm feeling. Even asking me a direct question doesn't work because I'll still find some way to turn my answer into a sarcastic quip.

Given all this though - And I know this is going to come as a shock. Brace yourselves - I do, in fact, have feelings. As much as I love to tell people that my heart is a frozen block of ice, in truth, it's rather squishy and quite vulnerable. It stands to reason that someone with a puffy, delicate heart would use whatever defense they have to keep from being hurt. It also stands to reason that those defenses are not ones that are easily breached.

It's because of all of this that men generally find me kind of frosty and unattractive. And when I say "kind of," I mean "completely"... If the White Witch and Frosty the Snowman had a love child, that would be me. When given the choice between me and someone easier (i.e. anyone else ever), I'm not going to be anyone's first choice. I'm much too much work, I'm way too mean, and it's going to take some time for there to be any payoff. The only things I love are ridiculous - like unicorns and plushies and cute baby animals and cupcake-scented candles and anything with glitter - and the only things I like to do went out of fashion 30 years ago. To sum it up, you'd have to be insane to want to be with me... insane and extremely persistent because it takes a hell of a lot to get me to actually be honest and not coat everything I say in dripping sarcasm.

And I can assure you, no man is that persistent. Not for me at least.
Which is why, I suppose, I was gifted with such amazing friends.. someone has to love all this crazy... and I'm okay with that.

Because this post has been particularly self-serving, I'm leaving you with this adorable, gratuitious picture of Roly Poly Snowman soft toy by FantasticToys. Eveything in this shop is super cute.. and this snowman is sort of how I imagine I would look if I was a frozen ball of ice... oh wait...

Rambling Man.

2010-11-03T17:12:00.007-04:00

"So give me to the Rambling Man, let it always be known that I was who I am.."

We have no heat.
Here I am camped out on my living room floor with a cup of hot tea sewing buttons on a shirt-jacket I made last year (I realized only this morning that I forgot to sew on a button.. or two... yes, I do want people to pay me to do this. Wondeful, isn't it?). I can't really feel my fingers, but it's marvelous. This is how I always envision fall... bitter cold but still full of possibilities.

Speaking of possibilities, I just purchased these glasses off of Etsy..

Aren't they just fantastic? VerboseNYC had them and I simply couldn't resist. As an added bonus, they have my reading perscription already in them which means they're ready to wear. Hopefully I'll actually remember to wear them..... I'm absolutely terrible when it comes to wearing my glasses. I should actually be wearing them right now but that would require me to get up..... which obviously isn't happening.

Honestly, my mind is so scattered right now. I just finished sewing on my buttons, I have my motivational Perry the Platypus plushie next to me (which sadly, does not motivate me to do my drafting homework, but, hey, nothing's perfect), but my brain can't seem to focus on anything for more than a few seconds. Maybe it's the excessive amounts of Mountain Dew I drank today or the fact that I'm going to the Doctors tonight so they can finally tell me what the hell is wrong with my body/uterus. It might even be that I finally decided that Pie really was the best choice all along or that some people can't seem to understand that I'm never going to pull my punches, no matter how many "meaningful" talks they try to have with me. Who knows. I'm going to go eat some french fries and try not to be too nervous or think about Pie too much or purchase any more awesome/rediculous things off of the internet.

Well, I did only say I'd try..... I'm not making any promises here.

Yeah. Sure.

2010-11-02T16:08:00.002-04:00

"Wow, Nicole, you've really improved..."

I'm about to let you in on a little secret...
I haven't actually improved.

According to Websters Dictionary, the definition of improvement is as follows: To enhance in value or quality : make better. Basically, you become better in comparison to where you were before.
Unfortunately, if you were actually at what people are referring to as your "improved state" the entire time.....
Well, let me give you a (purely hypothetical) example:
Say you go to art school. You come back from summer vacation only to realize that the quality of the work you had produced the year before meant nothing and everyone was still treating you like a complete imbecile (despite the fact that you got the only "A" in a class about design, full of designers, of which you are not one). So there you are, feeling more than slightly put off when suddenly someone with zero talent gets rewarded with a huge project for no other reason than they happen to kiss a lot of ass.
And you thought you were mad before.
At this point, why try? You're not sure you even want to be there and someone with the drawing skills of a house plant is being treated like they're the second coming of Edith Head. What the hell is the point of trying, really?
So you don't. You slack off, all your projects look like a 1st grader did them with a crayon (although they're still better than some people's projects..), and no one treats you any differently because, apparently, they expected this from you all along. Then, one day, you wake up and realize that you're getting calls to do outside jobs based on -GASP- the quality of your work and you're also kind of a genius. So what do you do now? Well, you just start doing projects at your normal level of excellence and everyone thinks you're "learning so much" in your classes that you couldn't help but improve! Now you look like the Comeback Kid, everyone is going on about how great it is that you can finally draw a human form that doesn't look like a gingerbread man, and telling you that you're really going to go far. Ha. Ha ha. If only they knew....

It's good to be me.

[As a side note, the best part about this whole thing is that I'm still "improving".... and some people clearly never will.]

The love of my life.

2010-10-30T13:46:00.005-04:00

Luna.

She's currently sleeping on my foot.

She just peeked open one eyelid, streched out her paw, and tangled her claws into my sock.

I'm not allowed to go anywhere.

Who would argue with that?

Want.

2010-10-28T20:55:00.005-04:00

One Eyed Octopus on Wheels by PearsonMaron

Friendly Narwhal Laptop Decal by beepart

Chicken Meat Chart Pillow by GoBuggyGo

Cute-thulhu by Jellibat

Octopus Sterling Silver Oxidized Necklace by Irisjewelrydesign

So... who wants to bank roll me?

Nerves.

2010-10-28T15:38:00.003-04:00

Two years ago when I had surgery, I wasn't nervous.
I wasn't afraid.
I wasn't even bothered by it really.
I mean, I hate those stupid open-backed hospital gowns that really only serve to titillate any pervy members of the hospital staff that happen to be wandering around when you're trying to find a bathroom and I was a bit angry about having to wear one, but, other than that, I was the epitome of cool when they put me under. Even the anaesthesiologist seemed a bit thrown by the fact that I was so cavalier about the whole thing. He kept giving my Father the "Your daughter is either crazy-brave or on drugs" look in between sticking a needle in my hand. Go figure.

I'm nervous now though.
I'm nervous about the stupid test I have to have later today.
I'm nervous about the results.
I'm nervous that, because I happen to be benched right now when it comes to sex, that I'm suddenly going to be way less appealing.*
I'm nervous that this isn't going to be a quick fix.
I'm nervous as hell and, frankly, I wish I could have just played hookie with Kate all day instead of having to face real life.

Tonight is going to suck and tomorrow is going to be really interesting.

*As a side note on this point, because I know I'm going to get guff for it, I realize that any guy who only wants to have sex with me isn't worth my time anyway. I realize that. I will punch anyone who decides to go all Femi-nazi on me because they think I'm niave and/or dillusional. Girl power is great and all, but honestly all it really serves to do most of the time is cover up our larger insecurities about the way men view us so cool it with that shit for a second, okay? Here's the thing - at this current juncture, I don't think I'm ready for the revelation that a guy I might want only wants me for sex. I don't think I have the capacity to be let down by that right now, and this entire "Hey you can't have sex because your uterus is on strike" thing is sort of pushing that issue to the forefront and forcing me to deal with it. I'm cranky about it and, obviously, nervous. If you still feel the need to lecture me, you've been warned, and I have a mean right hook.

A random string of thoughts and cuteness.

2010-10-23T19:02:00.006-04:00

Okay. How cute are these shoes?I just bought these today from TOMS shoes - you know, that awesome organization that makes adorable hipster shoes and, when you purchase a pair, they send a pair to a child in need (hopefully a pair with glitter) which makes you feel super about your life and the fact that you don't do anything else to give back to the less fortunate because you're too busy with Mason Gross to remember that other people even exist?
I may have gone off topic there....
Anyway! You should all go buy a pair of TOMS shoes because they're fabulous and it's all for a good cause.

Also, and this is totally unrelated, why are all the awesomely creepily cute illustrations that I may possibly want to use as inspiration for a future monster crochet project from Japanese books that are impossible to get a hold of?! I was browsing through the blog Pink Tentacle (which is awesome, by the way) and these fantastic illustrations kept popping up like this one of a japanese sea monster (Yeah, that's a sea monster. I know, it's adorable. And googlie-eyed. Try not to giggle.)

Or this one of the anatomy of a "Black hair cutter" a beastie that supposedly sneaks up on women in dark alleys and cuts off their hair. (Seriously. That's their monster. Seriously.)I was looking to purchase the books that these pictures came from only to find that I can only buy them in Japanese.... and only if I use yen. It made me want to punch babies. For now, I'm just going to have to use what I have and deal with it. God, that is so not like me.

Speaking of dealing with what I have... Well, I'm simply not going to do that with my (purely hypothetical) desserts. What I have sucks. SUCKS. I've decided I hate pie. Even more so now that I'm just generally pissed off about life and the fact that my body is defective. Also, I'm starting to hate cake too. The whole "now that I'm sick, life seems too short, etc., etc..." line really is true. Life is too short for me to chase around or even care about some cake that doesn't seem to care about me.
I'm tired.
I'm in pain.
I'm going to bury myself in my yarn and just be done with it.
Done with desserts until what I want stops throwing it's frosting around to other patrons like it's going stale and what I don't want gets purchased by someone else.
It'll all sort itself out.
In the meantime, I have glittery shoes on the way.

Something happier.

2010-10-22T12:32:00.003-04:00

And I'm not talking about me..

How is this not the coolest thing on Etsy right now?!imadeyouabeard has the cutest shop ever. I. want. everything.

It's inspired me to try to crochet those moustaches I've been meaning to attempt for some time now.
You know.. right after I start (and finish) my Halloween costume, finish my unicorn, finish the half-started embroidery pieces lying around my life, make a purple sequined cod piece (oh no, I'm not kidding), and do all the work I'm actually going to get graded on.

They better not have to cut anything out of me, because I simply don't have the time for it. So there.

Things I learned today.

2010-10-21T21:18:00.003-04:00

1. My body is defective.
Like seriously defective. Apparently it now needs a tune-up every two years just so it can fucking function. My accupuncture appointment tonight turned into a roundtable discussion between myself, my accupuncturist, and my gynocologist about whether I was going to have to go under the knife again or if I just have a bad hormonal imbalance. Oh yes. It was super relaxing. Either way I have to go for another ultrasound (and not the fun kind from Juno), do another spit test, and go back for another appointment. Did I mention that they probably won't come to some kind of concensus for at least another two weeks and I'm going to be in pain that entire time? It's super great to be me right now.

2. I don't care about cake or pie.
I told myself I was never going to chase a (hypothetical) dessert around ever again... and I broke that promise. It was a mistake. Now I have real problems and I couldn't care less about a couple of pastries that just see me as a quick piece of ass. If you want me, really want me, delicious sweet lickable sugary confections, you know where to find me.

3. I have the most amazing friends on the planet.
People say that all the time, but for me, it's really true. I'm an asshole and I have someone to go out to lunch with every week who adores me, a friend who's willing to get up at like 6am to see me tomorrow, and a bunch of people I know I can count on for hugs and support...
And I know I'm going to need it. Especially now.

I know what my ideal outcome for this situation would be..
Picture it:
[WARNING! Uber-sentimental ramblings of a sick person to follow. Not for those with weak stomachs.]
My seemingly unattainable cake and I waltzing through the streets of New York City. Him, actually interested in more than just sleeping with me and me not doubled over in pain, feeling lightheaded or nauseous, or otherwise ill. He will want to hold my hand, I won't bite his head off when he tries. He'll realize I'm what he always needed and let me in and I won't run like a frightened school girl when he does. We'll have fun, more fun than I've ever had with a guy. I'll be myself, really myself, and he'll like it. And when it's all over, and he wakes up and realizes he's never going to find anyone better than me, he'll call. And he won't want to hang up.
[End of sentimental nonsense.]

But that's not going to happen.

The reality is I have feelings for a guy who is never going to want any of that, and I don't even have the capacity to care about that fact. All I can do is brave these tests and try to sleep at night with the thought of another surgery-recovery period looming just beyond the edges of my dreams.

It's time to put my big girl pants on again.
Damn.

Howl.

2010-10-20T17:29:00.004-04:00

"Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers;
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters.
A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night
May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright.
If you could only see
The beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
The saints can't help me now
The ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground."

Perhaps this isn't the best day to be blogging with my head pounding and a drink in my hand, but, with that said, I have a confession to make.

I have a terrible habit of being able to figure out what I want very, very quickly. The amount of time it takes for me to be able to admit that "want" to myself varies, but I always know. Somewhere, in the back of my incredibly fucked up mind, I always know. And when this whole (hypothetical) cake vs. pie mess started, I knew what I wanted immediately.

And today, I finally admitted it to myself.

Now, the trick is to let it come to me.... and resist the urge to hunt it down.

Cake or Pie.

2010-10-18T15:21:00.005-04:00

I have a scenario for you.... purely hypothetical, of course.

Let's say you have a huge sweet tooth... and I mean huge. We're talking a completely epic, creampuff annihilating, eclair eviscerating, insatiable sweet tooth here....

BUT all you've been able to eat for the last 8 months was Jell-o. Raspberry Jell-o. Watery, Robitussin-esque rasberry Jell-o day-in and day-out for 8 whole months. Your taste buds have practically shut down from over-exposure to the most banal dessert in the world and you think you're going to have to suffer like this forever. You think you're doomed to a life of boredom and understimulation and that never again will you be able to have a dessert worthy of your discerning palette.

And then suddenly, like a miracle, the Jell-o is gone. Forever. And you're just trying to recover, honestly you are, you're not taking any big steps or trying to rush your newly freed sweet tooth along. There's no creme brule or raspberry pavlova or sticky toffee pudding for you, just a cookie or maybe a few Hershey kisses if you're feeling particularly racy. You don't want anything sweeter, you don't think you're ready, you don't think you can really appreciate the depth of flavor of anything more complex.

Or maybe you can, just maybe you can.. very suddenly once again, you find yourself in the most delectable bakery you've ever seen. It's as if every sweet in there were made specifically to tempt you, to woo your taste buds back to their former glory, and you're overwhelmed.

Positively and utterly overwhelmed.

It takes you a while, but you manage to beat back the desserts that seem to be throwing themselves at you in their desperation to be sold and to fend off the ones that you know are going to taste just downright terrible. You've got it narrowed down to that age old choice: cake or pie.

On one hand you've got the pie. It's homey, comforting, and is trying so hard to be sweet and delicious. It wants you to want it, badly. And you want to want it too.. you know it's a good choice. A safe, easy, good choice.

And then there's the cake. The flashy, dangerous cake buried under some positively delectable frosting. Maybe there's something more substantial under there... in fact, you're pretty sure there is, but you know it's too sweet. You know if you choose that cake it could either be the exact thing you've always wanted or it could make you terribly and horribly sick.

You know you have a bit of an impulse control problem, that's what got you stuck in raspberry Jell-o hell to begin with... but it's your first time shopping for dessert since then and you don't want to settle....

So what do you choose?

Cake or Pie?

Truth.

2010-10-15T10:32:00.003-04:00

Things I am:

Impatient. It gets me in trouble a lot, but it's a habit I can't seem to kick. I want what I want when I want it and I can't understand why people aren't as decisive or demanding as I am. It also causes me to run head-first into things, often without thinking. Bottom line - it gets me in trouble. Often.

Moody. I'm never neutral about anything. Ever. I'm constantly bouncing from one extreme to another, especially if I haven't eaten. You don't want to see me pre-coffee and a donut in the morning.. it's a scary, scary thing. Like Roger-Moore-in-Octopussy scary. Yeah. I know. It's really bad.

Judgmental. I either like you or I don't.. either way, though, when I see you, I'm going to judge what you're wearing, what you're saying, and what you're doing and, if I think it's rediculous, I will mock you for it until I'm dead or you do something stupider. Just expect it and move on.

Sarcastic/Inappropriate. I always say the wrong thing. Always. I know what the right thing is, but I love watching people squirm (and I'm very good at making it happen). I don't pull punches, I don't shut my mouth just because it's disrespectful, and I don't answer to anyone. If you don't want me to target you, don't come near me, because I can't help myself. Simple as that.

Things I'm not:

Nice. Here, wait, let me repeat it again.. I am not nice. Not at all. You may think I am, but that's because you haven't done anything stupid enough for me to mock yet. I'm constantly calculating, constantly judging, and if I'm not saying anything mean, it's because I'm thinking something mean or texting something mean about you to the person standing next to you. Oh yes. I do that.

Slow. Don't ever assume I don't know what's going on. I probably know what stupid stunt you're going to pull before you've even figured it out yet. Don't let the pom-pom hat fool you, I am not a simpleton. I know. I get it. Assuming I'm a step behind you is going to be your downfall.

Too young. I'm 20 years old. Age-wise, I'm a wee little baby, but I grew up around old people. Lots and lots of old people who decided it was their mission in life to teach me about "things." I know what TV show, movie, song, or otherwise out-dated nonsense you're talking about. You're not going over my head. Trust me. I'm with you. I know Hawaii-50 isn't new, I know Sunny Crocket wasn't originally played by Colin Farrell, Yes, the Thomas Crown Affair was better with Steve McQueen, No, I'm not amused by the fact that you only know one song by The Eagles... Stop underestimating me. You're really just embarrassing yourself.

Average. The things I find funny, cute, or otherwise amusing are not going to appeal to anyone in the same way. Put indelicately, I like things other people find creepy and fucked-up. That's just me. I'm not boring, but I'm certainly not who you bring home to Mom. No really.. your Mom will hate me.

Well.. there you have it. The worst of me.

SO! Who wants a hug now?

High Demand.

2010-10-13T19:29:00.004-04:00

Seems like everybody wants a piece of me these days.... and it's starting to get a bit overwhelming. I'm constantly being pulled in a million different directions at once and I can't seem to keep up. My projects are demanding, people keep offering me outside work, and don't even get me started on my personal life. Ugh.

I need a vacation.

Or this..

Uggghhh.

2010-10-10T21:08:00.003-04:00

Wow, I feel terrible.

I know that after not posting for so long, that isn't the most encoraging line, but it's so true. I went to New York ComicCon on Saturday and I ate something that has absolutely destroyed my digestive system. Right now, I'm surviving on coffee and a prayer because for some unknown reason, my finicky stomach seems to have a weakness for hot, caffinated beverages. Go figure.

Although, with the exception of this crippling food poisoning, the Con was amazing.
I met Andrew Bell.
Seriously.
Andrew Bell.
(for those of you who live under a rock, click here so you can understand my obsession.)

He is literally my favorite illustrator, and there he was behind the Dead Zebra booth just chillin and moving some Oh No Sushi around like he wasn't a monster-creating god.

"i'm not talking to you right now.."

I mean, c'mon, just look at that! Andrew Bell is amazing and it took everything I had not to just hug him and cry like a baby.. it was a rather embarrassing urge really, but, I think, totally justified.

Also, I got tons of free books, a subscription to Bust magazine for a year for $10, and I bought an adorably creepy tote bag made by Glamour Kills.

[As a side note, I probably shouldn't have started browsing the rest of the website because now I also want this:

::sigh::]

Anyway, it really was the best fucking day ever. (Erm.. well.. with the exception of the fact that I now feel as if my internal organs are trying to escape through my throat, of course.)

Unfortunately, while I'd love to continue to sit here and type about my life, I have a feeling I'm going to start to get a little too personal. I have some decisions to make.. thankfully I have some great sounding boards that don't involve the internet. Hopefully everything will be sorted out soon.. I hate waiting.

Music and a reality check.

2010-09-25T14:39:00.002-04:00

I really should be working right now...

Instead, I'm sitting here watching Juno and downloading tons 'o music courtesy of my friend Dave's suggestions. I really really really should be working. ::sigh::

It's an uncomplicated decision though; to work or not to work, to allow myself to be distracted or to buckle down and get some shit done. If only every decision were that simple. If only. I suppose I just live a complicated life.

This morning was decidedly uncomplicated though, as anything with my Boo, Paul, usually is. I got an adorable new t-shirt and a mustard colored (shocking, I know) scarf as we wandered around the crappy mall enjoying each other's company for the first time in weeks. My new philosophy of only surrounding myself with non-crappy people seems to be really working out, thankfully.

Anyway, work is calling me and I suppose I should answer. Maybe lettering and Greek costumes will be more distracting than the Mystery Jets, although I doubt it.

P.S. I want this bag. Badly. Seriously. Look at it. You know you want it too.

The Adventures of Kate and Nikki (and why today totally rocked!)

2010-09-23T23:34:00.005-04:00

So, in case you couldn't tell by the title because you're either a moron or blind, in which case I can't imagine how you'd be reading this anyway but whatevs - today totally rocked.

I mean, I knew it was going to be pretty amazing since I was going to lunch with the super-duper, completely amazing Kate, but it got epic fast. We ate at On the Border and indulged in dessert; afterwards we decided to head to Michaels. I thought Kate needed to pick something up for class.. it turns out she just wanted to tempt me with more adorable silly bandz.

Yeah, I said silly bandz. Deal with it.

Anyway, she had given me this adorable opaque yellow sheep at the restaurant and at Michaels we ended up buying a dessert pack, a dino pack, and a farm animal pack. Yeah, we went a little nuts. I ended up going from no silly bandz to this:

.....an awesome collection of uber-cute dinosaurs, sweet treats, and fluffy animals! This is the effect Kate has on me. She seriously takes my cuteness to the next level.

Michaels also had some fab stuff on sale including some mustard colored gardening gloves, a rubber band ball, this eraser...

and this California Condor...

(No, it's not a vulture.. don't even ask.)

So, by the time I dropped Kate off at her class, I was beyond eccstatic. What I didn't know was that things were about to get even better! (I know you're asking how could they, but I'm serious here, they do)

This bag was waiting for me when I got home. Seriously. It was waiting for me in all of its gorgeousness.

Inside were these two adorable little boxes filled with (what else?) cupcakes!

I am telling you right now that Crumbs cupcakes are my one true vice. They’re like uncut cocaine, pure and perfect. I swear their frosting is like God’s gift to mankind – this is why there’s war and famine, something had to balance out all that frosting-y goodness. And damn were they good. I mean, DAMN.

Oh, and apparently, according to this menu at least, they make cupcakes the size of your head.
I may have just died and gone to heaven.
::squee::

And then (oh yes, there's more) I got a package in the mail from a wonderful friend of mine..

She made me a hat. A georgeous, perfect, adorable hat that fits me perfectly and that I never ever want to take off. Tomorrow I'm going to text her and tell her how wonderful she is. :)

So kids, the moral of the story is that I know some truly unique, truly amazing people who make my life so rich and so worth it. I know I couldn't get through a day without them and I wouldn't want to try. I love you guys.

Tomorrow and Saturday should be just as epic... again, I'll keep you posted.

Reasons I'm a dork... and a little sick in the head.

2010-09-22T20:30:00.002-04:00

Now that I'm back in school and I require constant inspiration/distraction/motivation, it seems I'm more inclined to let my inner nut-job take over. I'm reading nerdy Lord of the Rings fanfiction, I'm watching Murder, She Wrote and Golden Girl marathons, and all I can think about are fluffy plushies and frosting. I mean, here I am, 20 years old watching High School Musical 2 and giggling like a 12 year old school girl. Not to mention the fact that this amazing movie experience was preceeded by two episodes of Phineus and Ferb and a trashy romance novel (and I still want that damn Perry the Platypus plush!).

I'm beginning to think I'm almost too odd for my own good....

Or that art school is making me even more of a freak than I was before....

God, I shudder to think.. I was practically unlovable before, but now with my super-duper freak flag flying, I have a feeling I'm going to be scaring people away left and right with my obnoxious need to share everything and my lack of consideration for social mores and the feelings of others. Oh well, bring it on. Can't say I ever really liked people anyway. Besides, there are so many nerdy things to do, and so little time to do them!

Plus, according to Stuff No One Told Me (aka my bible):
Seems like everything will work out just fine... after all, this is pretty much the story of my life.

Work work work.

2010-09-19T18:48:00.003-04:00

Yikes, I have a lot to do. Drafting and sketching and painting and.. well, I should stop listing everything before my brain explodes. I'm jacked up on iced coffee and I'm currently in a holding pattern waiting for my frozen pizza to be done bubbling and oozing in the oven. I'm tired and awake, frustrated and excited, achey and determined all at the same time....

I have a feeling it's going to be a late night.

To keep myself going I've been plushie-hunting on the internet..

I've decided this needs to be my next conquest:

I mean, c'mon.. how could I possibly resist Perry the Platypus' googlie eyes!

And then perhaps I'll spring for this little guy:

Because a plush spleen is exactly what every girl dreams about..... right?
Okay, maybe it's just what I dream about, but it's still completely adorable!

In addition to plushies and iced coffee, I've decided that if I'm going to make it, some things definitely need to change. Bottom line: I need to clean house... Out with the annoying in with the helpful. People, I mean..

I'll let you know how it goes.

Sometimes it's all about Peanut Butter.

2010-09-16T16:25:00.004-04:00

It's tough juggling a huge workload and a messy family. It tends to leave one drained, frustrated, and otherwise useless.. a state not entirely conducive to creativity. And considering I go to an art school, that poses a serious problem. Which is why I've decided to deem today a "Mental Health Day" and pop open a brand new jar of Jif. I have season 4 of Boston Legal all cued up and some drafting homework in front of me and I just finished some meditating and yoga. It's time to get some shit back on track.

I can't control my workload, only when I can get things done. I can't control the amount of pressure they're going to put on me, only how I respond to it. I can't control the actions or reactions of others, only how I much of it I choose to ignore. It seems all about choices these days. Choices to be more productive and less distracted, more confident and less stifled, more creative and less stressed; choices that are going to leave me happier and at peace.

But I can't make all of those choices today. Rome, or so I've been told, wasn't built in a day, and neither can the new, less-"I'm going to chuck you out a window" me. Today, however, I can decide to enjoy this jar of peanut butter and this spectacular season of Boston Legal. Today I can laugh and cry with Alan and Denny and comandeer a jar of peanut buttery sandwich spread and feel decadent and rediculous all at the same time. Today I can think about James Spader in a Coast Guard uniform and giggle when I picture him trying to do my lettering homework (still in uniform, of course). Today I can decide that those things are important, that those are the things that matter, and I can find joy in them.

Because, really, that's all life's about, right?
Living big and laughing often.

Green with... well.. Pinocchio.

2010-09-15T17:20:00.006-04:00

So here I am, only the third week of school and already I want to bury my head in a pillow and my sorrows in copious amounts of cookies. The workload is rediculous, as are the hours, and sometimes the density of people makes me want to physically assault them, but other than those things, it's good to be back.

Unfortunately, the only problem seems to be that most of my classes are Designer-oriented, while I'm studying to be a Costume Tech. Every day seems to be filled with comment after comment along the lines of "It seems to me that you're just not thinking like a designer."

Huh. Wonder why that could be?

To combat all of that horribleness, the first thing I did when I walked in the door this afternoon was make a batch of these new Resees No-Bake peanut butter & chocolate bars.

They. Are. MAGNIFICENT!

And while using this brilliant green spatula to help stir them, I started thinking of other green things... and then other adorable things.... and then...

The fabled Pinocchio plushie!

I oogled this little guy for sometime before finally getting him on sale a few weeks ago... here he is traveling around my apartment.

Surveying the landscape from the ficus tree in the living room just like a real scout.

Aww! He's communing with the local wildlife! (Although, I don't think he realizes it's just plastic)

His attempt to infultrate the fridge was rather unsuccessful... He's not very stealthy.

I made him settle for some kettle cooked chips and control of the remote instead of the peanut butter & chocolate goodies... healthier? probably not. But the dessert simply wasn't ready yet!

Speaking of dessert, here's a sneak peak at my latest project... It's both sweet and adorable! I can't wait to finish.
I have so many new patterns I want to post in the shop, but honestly, the whole shop needs a serious re-boot. New pictures, new banner, new marketing campaign.. ::sigh:: It's a lot of work I have no time for, so until I can make some time, the shop is going to continue to be on hiatus.

Also, as a side note, I'm thinking of taking up silkscreening......

It's been a long time coming...

2010-08-26T18:51:00.003-04:00

So here I am with school about to start in less than a week and I couldn't be more excited. I can't wait to see all my friends again, to get back to work, to feel like I have some kind of purpose - like I'm working towards something again. Also, I'm bright-eyed and bushy-tailed after returning from vacationing in Disney World with my Dad (we drive down every year - it's a fantastic mess and I love every minute of it).

To start the year off right, I've spent the last few days surrounded by some amazing people. Tuesday was the movies, today was bubble tea and a shopping extravaganza! I can't even describe the two awesome pairs of boots I purchased today..... or the adorable hat.

I'm still trying to work on some new stuff for the shop. I'm not quite sure when it's going to be back up, but when it does reappear, it's going to be chock full o' goodies!

To tide you over until then, here is an fantastic, completely unrelated picture of Karl Urban as everyone's favorite Lord of the Mark, Eomer.

Birthday!

2010-08-09T21:47:00.006-04:00

Well, now that it's my birthday and I've spent the last few days making my heart as cold and frosty as a frozen Lean Cuisine, I can finally enjoy myself (at least more than I was). I went shopping at Anthropologie today and picked up some adorable new sweaters:

I've been lining up some online purchases now that I have some serious birthday money:

I'm also using food, sugary drinks and fan fiction in addition to my inordinate spending to try to build some semblance of a life and remain as chilly as possible in the face of.. well, everything.

I'm so hollow, baby.

2010-08-04T02:30:00.002-04:00

Well, he's gone.
He's gone and I'm a bundle of contradicting emotions and unfulfilled needs- I'm happy for him and excited for all of the opportunities that lie ahead of him, but I'm also lonely and frustrated and restless and confused.

It's almost 3am and no matter how many of the questions running through my head I try to answer, there always seem to be more. It seems through all of this, we've just become friends who kiss occasionally. I can't reduce my daily life into 160 characters or less and neither can he. Texting is a shitty way to communicate and it certainly doesn't help with my detachment issues. Things happen, good and bad, and he misses so much, as I'm sure I do as well. I really thought getting all of this out of the way would give us more time to get closer again, but the move itself just seems to have intensified my loneliness and frustration and our detachment.

I can feel myself beginning to build walls again. I'm allowing my life to be consumed by reruns of Star Trek and terribly written fanfiction. I spend my days mapping out countless crochet projects and my nights reading romance novels littered with pirates and princesses and relationships that work out despite the fact that the heroine used to be a snob or a prostitute and the prince has a skin disease. I play out elaborate scenarios about Paris in my head and pretend I'll actually make it there someday. I pretend things are better. I'm steeling myself. I'm pulling away.

My birthday is Monday and I've never been less excited about it. I guess I'll have to build a few more walls and mentally box up a few more things if I'm going to get through this week, let alone beyond that. Bring on the imaginary packing tape - it's time to clean house.

It may be over but it won't stop there,I am here for you if you'd only care.You touched my heart, you touched my soul.You changed my life and all my goals.And love is blind and that I knew whenMy heart was blinded by you.I've kissed your lips and held your hand,Shared your dreams and shared your bed,I know you well, I know your smell.I've been addicted to you.Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.You have been the one.You have been the one for me.

I'm sick.

2010-08-02T15:53:00.002-04:00

It currently feels as if there is something that has weaseled its way underneath my face and is now trying to escape by pushing against the underside of my cheekbones and attempting to remove my skin. It's gruesome and painful and very ill-timed. I have projects to finish, a shop to update, and a birthday coming up! And, on top of all of that, my DVD player seems to be completely wigging out making it impossible for me to watch anything. Now I get to watch VH1's 100 greatest songs of the 90s for about the 30th time. Today is decidedly not cool.

My father is convinced that being so stressed and angry has burned up all of my B-vitamins therefore making it more likely that I'll be sick. He bought me some organic green grapes and spent yesterday brandishing them at me as if they were a cure-all. Super, right? In his defense, they were really good grapes. Now I'm eating brownies and downing Sudafed chased with Mountain Dew. Like I said, today is decidedly not cool.

Time to go bury my face in a pillow and pray for some relief.. or at least some company.

Gratuitous photo (courtesy of GQ Germany. Volkswagens and now this.. I think the Germans may be making a comeback. Just saying.)

Whoosh... is it over yet?

2010-07-31T11:08:00.003-04:00

Real life keeps deterring me from posting the updates I actually want to post and instead leaving me with too much to write about and way too many adorable pictures of Zachary Quinto. I find it absolultely shocking that life isn't going according to plan. [Cue sardonic look]

As you all know my boyfriend is moving, sometime in the next few days actually. I spent last night loading up most of his things into my Grandparents van and now I'm basically in a holding pattern waiting to find out when he can actually get into his new apartment. I was dreading this week. I was dreading him organizing and packing and leaving, but now that he's actually in the process of doing so, I can't wait for it all to just be over. I know that sounds terrible, but right now all of his time, energy, and brain-power is wrapped up in this move (and he still needs me to tell him he can use packing tape to reinforce a box. go figure.) and there is literally no space in his head for anything else. I'll be very, very glad when there's space again. Unconditional support is a lovely sentiment that should be reserved for nuns or monks or other people who have nothing else going on in their lives but being married to Jesus.

My Father likes to tell me "No man is an island." John Donne was a very smart man. Unfortunately, sometimes being an island is one's only option; it's easy for people to get to you, to take your resources and languish in the wasting of your time, but it's nearly impossible for you to reach out to them, to get something back for all of the things you're willingly giving. There is no reciprocation.
Sometimes, the only solution is distraction - burying every stray emotion with books and fanfiction, eating copious amounts of homemade brownies, and in those quiet moments when it becomes apparent that you've been abandoned for a better ~~location~~ island, doing anything to keep from weeping. And I mean anything - even if it's dangerous, insane, or otherwise embarrassing.

I'm headed out for the weekend, but I'll leave you with this - yet another amazing picture of Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine, because, if it can distract me, it can certainly make you feel better.

Out of whack.

2010-07-29T09:23:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was intense. I had intended to be home early last night, to post pictures of more Bazaar finds, and to get to bed at a semi-reasonable hour. I had intended it to be a quiet night in. All I had planned yesterday was a coffee date at Barnes & Noble with my friend Paul at 2:30. I got there around 2:20 and instantly thought something seemed off; Paul is always early, but yesterday he was no where to be found. His phone was broken so there was no way to contact him and by 3:30, I was freaking out. I figured he was dead by the side of the road somewhere, eaten by mountain lions, or just waking up covered in plastic in a bathtub and missing his liver.

Fortunately, he simply got caught in a meeting.

Luckily, to distract myself, I picked up this fantastic book and now I can't seem to put it down!It's a fantastic anthology filled with short stories written by famous, geeky authors for geeky readers like me. The opening story by Holly Black and Cecil Castellucci about the burgeoning romance between a Klingon and a Jedi padawan at a Con that culminates in a full-blown Star Trek vs. Star Wars fight had me laughing hysterically in Barnes & Noble despite my fears that my friend was currently being eviscerated somewhere by mutant cannibals. I couldn't resist buying it...

...or searching for adorable geeky things on Etsy! I usually try to avoid the "geekery" tab on Etsy because I want to buy almost everything I see, but I was inspired. Just look at all this awesome stuff!

Star Trek:

Mini Mr. Spock by lecorbeaurouge

Spock Inspired 1" buttons by hownice

Live long & Prosper necklace by PangaeaDesigns

Doctor Who:

Adipose Scrabble Pendant by DAMEcreations

Keep Calm and Don't Blink - 8x10 Print by DAMEcreations

The Ood 2.25" Pocket Mirror by (guess who) DAMEcreations (basically I just want to purchase every damn thing in the shop. YOU SHOULD SEE THE BUTTONS!)

::sigh:: It's just too much cuteness!
I'll get back to posting real stuff tomorrow. As for today, I'm just going to keep browsing the Geekery section and drooling.

Oh.. and because I love all of you, here is a gratuitous picture of Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine. What a yumfest.

What a bazaar weekend.

2010-07-27T14:31:00.006-04:00

Pardon the poor wordplay, but that's how things have felt lately and that's what has been consuming my time. Bizarre, right?

I woke up last Wednesday morning with a terrible headache and a vile urge to throw up which could only mean one thing - the Bazaar was coming up ~~(and that maybe my dear friend Paul and I had consumed a little bit too much rum the night before)~~. I spent my next 4 days sweating and peddling dishes in Ocean Grove, New Jersey to support the Ladies Auxiliary of the Auditorium Ushers (quite the mouthfull, eh?). I was the youngest memeber to ever join when I first paid my dues at 13, but I had been working my own five and dime table at the Bazaar since I was 8. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter how many years I've done this, I'm never quite physically or emotionally prepared to spend all that time in the sun with my Grandmother who has quite the knack for inadvertantly pushing my buttons packing and lifting heavy boxes of dishes and dealing with cranky customers who think they shouldn't have to spend more than a quarter on anything.

On the upside, the Bazaar means good shopping! I always manage to bring home a menagerie of blankets, plushies and, of course, vintage dishes. There is way too much to be put in just one post so I'll be sharing them over the next few days as I get around to all the mending and washing and find homes for all the new arrivals. These are exciting times.

In other, totally unrelated news - as you all know, my boyfriend is moving soon and in his fervor to move boxes and get everything properly labeled, he got just a little carried away....

His impending move also needs I need to get a move on with my special project.. Hey, at least I know what I'm doing the next few days...

Tune in tomorrow for more Bazaar finds, updates on my current crochet projects and more teaser pictures of the super-secret project!

A bitter pill.

2010-07-19T13:51:00.006-04:00

Yesterday, I made a promise that I would be okay. A stupid, stupid promise that is going to end up being the hardest thing I'll ever have to do. I'm not good at being selfless, at "being the bigger person," and I'm certainly not good at letting things slip away without a fight. But I have to stop fighting because I promised I would stop fighting, and I have to be happy because, unfortunately, I promised that too. My problems are my own to cope with now even though I haven't slept in days and there's no way I should be coping with anything solo.

Oh well. My word is my word and I suppose situations like these are why large doeses of blueberry pie and iced coffee were invented... and crocheting, of course.

This guy is my next project:I started him this morning in Red Heart Super Saver Gold yarn. When he's finished (whenever the hell that will be), he's going to be quite large. It's been a long time since I've worked on a large crocheted plushie and I think it will be a welcome distraction from the current mess that is my life.

As a side note, I spent my Saturday night at my Aunt Trudy's 60th birthday party and while I was there, I met this wonderful tea cup - adorable, great personality, looking for something long-term. All I had to do for us to be together was to liberate him from his last relationship with the Italian restaurant we happened to be at, and you know, with a purse as large as mine, it wasn't difficult.

Isn't he just perfect? I think this is the beginning of something really beautiful.

And now off I go to eat some more pie, watch some more Boston Legal, and do some more extravagant online shopping. Oh and I'm going to be happy. Really really happy.

Oh my Momma told me there'll be days like this.

2010-07-17T12:28:00.010-04:00

"When everyone is upfront

and they're not playing tricks.
When you don't have no freeloaders

out to get their kicks.

When it's nobody's business
the way that you wanna live.

I just have to remember

there'll be days like this."

I didn't sleep last night. By the time my head finally hit the covers, dawn was just beginning to break and light was shining through my bedroom window. I couldn't stop crocheting, even though my swollen, achey fingers were protesting and I must have unraveled more than I actually finished, I needed to be distracted. Desperately.

No matter how much I rage against the passage of time, it doesn't help. People die, people leave, things change. No amount of crocheted necklaces and cowls and food and creatures can stop that; their creation is just masking the the hours that are slipping past in something cute and fluffy.. and tangible. Maybe I just need something to hold on to.

People keep trying to tell me that nothing really ends, things just change, people adapt, that's life and it's going to be okay. Well guess what? That's not my life. People need to stop leaving. It's getting rediculous already. I don't want to adapt. I don't want to be left behind anymore. And it's certainly not "okay." I know I sound like a petulant child, but don't you think it's high time someone whined a little? We all just go along with decisions we hate and changes we didn't sign up for as if it's supposed to be this way, as if the "adult" thing to do is to become life's doormat and society was meant to be made up of a bunch of emotional martyrs. Life never has to be lived on anyone elses terms, no matter how much you love them or how many times you're told it's not allright to be a little selfish.

I'm going to stop fighting time, it can prattle on as it likes, and find something real to sink my teeth into, something that will have some impact. And I'm going to keep crocheting until my fingers are calloused and bleeding, until I run out of band aids, until every idea I have is utterly and completely spent, until there's no yarn left and my floor is covered in scraps. I'm going to keep crocheting until things change - into what I want them to be.

Gorgeous.

2010-07-13T13:11:00.002-04:00

Even though I have a million yarn-y things to do today, I stumbled upon Elizabeth Scott's Etsy page and simply had to share. Ms. Scott specializes in breathtakingly beautiful botanical jewelry ranging from necklaces to rings to earrings. Everything is made from the highest quality, tarnish resistant sterling silver unless otherwise stated which gives all of her pieces an unmistakable gleam. It seems she has a knack of capturing the spirit of whatever object she is trying to create. Perhaps is is because she uses the object itself as a starting point.

"My botanical pieces are created from the plant itself, either from a mold or an impression of the leaf, or a casting of the whole organic object. I make one original piece, then multiple castings are made by a professional caster in 100% recycled silver or gold."
(from her profile)

Ms. Scott seems to live in the perfect location to be inspired by the things around her. It is no wonder I just want to snatch up all of her pieces. Just read what she has to say about inspiration in her 2008 Esty Featured Seller Interview

"Living in a rural area makes it very easy to pick up a leaf or flower and think, “I have to make something out of this.” It’s always an object I have a personal connection to and one that I hope others will find meaning in. I make design choices that won’t get in the way of everyday wear because I think that the way something looks and how it feels are both equally important. I like the clean look of a single material, sterling silver, and I like to create simple pieces that focus on one design element."

It's obvious she's in love with what she does, and, frankly, aren't those the sellers you want to purchase from? Her passion comes through in every single item, and her pictures and descriptions are as vibrant as her pieces. In my opinion, if you're looking for a gift for someone you love, a best friend, or a favorite relative, her shop is the place to start.

Here are a few of my personal favorites:

Large Poppy Ring

Tiny Apple Blossom Ring Set

Delicate Twig Stacking Ring Set

The shipping on all of these pieces is incredibly, incredibly reasonable and she'll even gift wrap them for you free of charge. Oh! And because this lovely woman thinks of everything, for $1 she'll sell you a ring sizer so you never have to play the "what's my ring size?" game again.

So head on over to her shop and browse. I promise you'll find something to fall in love with. I certainly did.

One Crazy Summer.

2010-07-12T14:22:00.004-04:00

What a great movie. I adore John Cusack and I can honestly say it's the first and last time I've appreciated Demi Moore in anything.

It's also how I've been feeling a lot lately. This summer is nuts. There's been adventure, love, heartache, cliffhangers, drama, mystery... everything a good ~~plot~~ life needs to stay interesting (and keep me from sleeping).

I got a wonderful package of T-shirts from Threadless Tees last week that I'll have to model tomorrow but my most exciting new editions came from my dear friend over at EveryEskimo. Tillie arrived last week and, of course, I had to document her delivery!
Her box.. adorned with adorable polka-dotted tape! So cute. I swear, everything Regina does makes me want to squeal with joy.
Her little tissue paper! (Of course at this point, because Regina is so thorough and I was dizzy with over-excitement, it had just taken me 20 minutes to get the box open and get to this point. The suspense was killing me!)
And here she is! Itty bitty and packaged with care. She also came with some cute, hand cut tags, a vintage picture, and a personal note. There was some serious love in that box.
And last but not least, here is my EveryEskimo family portrait. Ickabelle and Everyone thinks I'm a Monster (whose name is actually Charles) are in the back row, my own custom made foundling rests in the middle, and Tillie and Shell (who was purchased for me by someone very special as a suprise) complete the picture in the front. I think Tillie looks practically ready to giggle in this picture, don't you?

It's always a pleasure doing business with Regina and I encourage anyone looking for some great vintage finds or an incredibly unique plushie to head over to her shop right away!

Speaking of shops.. mine has been a bit slow lately. As I said a few posts ago, I'm hoping to get some new patterns in there soon. Unfortunately, I have so many ideas at this point that I can't seem to just stick to one project at a time! I'm working on a cowl right now that I'm hoping to have finished within the week and I'll be starting something new tonight.. I also can't stop thinking about those Charley Harper needlepoint patterns. AND I still have to finish my suprise project..

Oh summertime. How I love you.

What a Weekend!

2010-07-06T12:19:00.007-04:00

So this had to have been one of the best Fourth of July celebrations ever. I ended up going down to Ocean Grove, where my Grandparents have their beach house, on Friday and I stayed until Sunday night. I got to spend a good chunk of it with Boyfriend, Asbury Park had the most amazing fireworks display and the cupcakes were a hit!

Grandpy even liked them! (Thankfully, more than he liked me taking a picture of him!) The patriotic striping came out great and Walmart had those adorable picks on sale when I went on Thursday. The shock of my life was when I found out those baby pinwheels actually spin! The only downside to the cupcakes was that they were rather crumbly (probably due to the copious amounts of frosting weighing down on the delicate cake) but they were still uber-tasty and I simply couldn't resist putting that pom-pom-esque red glob of frosting on the top. The cupcakes just wouldn't have been the same without it!

Sunday, Boyfriend and I hit the beach and then hung out for the fireworks that night. [Cue gratuitous shot of boyfriend on the beach]

The fireworks were marvelous. Asbury Park set off two separate, simultaneous displays on the beach about a block apart. We happened to pick a spot on the boardwalk that was directly behind one of the detination points. We were literally looking straight up at them. I'm not normally a big fan of fireworks. Mostly I find them noisy and rediculous, but these were mind-blowing.. and having Boyfriend an inch away certainly helped in the fireworks' favor.

It was a fabulous weekend, overall... even though I'm pretty sure I got sun poisoning. I'll probably be posting later.. Some goodies came in the mail today that I can't wait to share!

Lay on, Macduff

2010-07-01T16:56:00.004-04:00

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that time doesn't stop. It may seem as if things are dragging on or blissfully lasting forever (depending on what kind of connotation you want to apply to the perceived slowing of time) but time never puts it seatbelt on, folds up its refreshment tray, and comes to a full and complete stop. It just doesn't happen. And if time is going to keep moving, than I have to as well. I may not be able to keep up, but I can sure as hell try. I'm still scared, but I can't hide under my covers while the world passes me by. I've never been one to stop fighting.

I have to continue with my life. I bought more material today to work on that mystery project from a few posts ago (which I'm hoping to have finished up very very soon). I went shopping for adorable patriotic toppers for the 4th of July cupcakes I'm making tomorrow. I've got 3 new crochet projects going. I'm just going to keep chugging along.

As a completely unrelated side-note, I am in love with Sleepyrobot13's Etsy shop. Her tag line is "Things u never knew you needed" and she is completely correct. Her little polymer robots are heartbreakingly adorable and I want every single one. Here are just a few samples of her genius:

Each one is cuter than the next! For $12 a piece, you can afford to splurge and get a few... that is, if you can decide which ones to purchase!

Regrets

2010-06-30T01:38:00.005-04:00

I've never been the kind of person who regrets anything. I live my life how I like and whatever happens is the result of my own decisions and I have never felt as if any of my decisions shouldn't have been made. Every step I've taken, every relationship I've been in has brought me to where I am today.

I've never been the kind of person who regrets anything... until today. My boyfriend is moving. Typing it that way makes it sound so silly and trivial, like I should just be okay with it. I'm not okay. I feel as if we've wasted so much time butting heads and being stubborn that we never appreciated what we had. Now he's leaving. And I'm running out of time.

There were so many things I wanted to do. I wanted to eat breakfast on the beach and watch the sunrise. I wanted to spend an entire day in bed just eating ice cream out of the container and hiding under the covers. I wanted to introduce him to my favorite movies and songs. I wanted to run through the rain. I wanted spend another day just wandering around the city. I wanted to buy him a replacement cup of hot chocolate. I wanted to take him to the little movie theatre in Bradley Beach and eat at the old Italian restaurant next door. I wanted to go dancing. I wanted to drink our anniversary wine. I wanted to introduce him to all of my friends. I wanted to cook for him - really cook for him. I wanted to visit his Mother in Virginia. I wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History and the Met and Central Park and the zoo. I wanted to share my favorite books with him. I wanted to have more crazy, spontaneous, middle-of-the-night adventures. I wanted there to be quiet moments over cups of coffee. I wanted to wear more funny hats.

But we can't. Everything's changing. Time is short. These things will never happen. I can feel him slipping away, starting a new life with a new routine, new worries, and new priorities. I don't think I've ever faced anything this difficult and I don't think I've ever gone through this many tissue boxes in one day.

I'm sorry to digress from the usually sunny blog posts, but I had to get this out. I've never been this heartbroken and I've never considered time "wasted" before today. I'm scared.

Things to do..

2010-06-28T12:50:00.014-04:00

So here I am making yet another list. (Well, technically, transcribing another list as this one is an extended version of the one I scribbled down on a Post-it around 2:30 this morning, but I digress.) This one is for this week. There is so much work to be done, so many people to see and projects to be finished and cupcakes to be baked. It's going to be a good week. A long one, perhaps, but a very very good one.

And so, here we go...

Things To Do
1. Purchase tillie as soon as my check clears today. The wonderful Regina from everyeskimo reserved her for me as I simply can't live without her. She'll be a wonderful edition to the itsy bitsy everyeskimo softie family I've acquired.

2. Find some kind of allergy medicine to help clear up my breathing. Saturday night I was down at my Grandparents beach house and I had an allergic reaction to something in the air. My eyes became puffy and red, my throat closed up, and I could barely breathe. Even today, when I try to take a deep breath, I start coughing. While I'm terribly allergic to mold, dust, and pollen, I've never had a reaction like this and I'm pretty reluctant to head down the shore again if there's a possibility this could happen again. I usually have terrible luck with allergy medication, well, medication of any kind really, so I'm not quite sure where to start, but I have to find something. We're supposed to be having a 4th of July celebration down there this week and I couldn't imagine missing it.

3. Continue working on this rediculous project and finish up my last rediculous project. Every time I get inspiration, I always end up coming up with some easy projects and some completely ludicrous ones that are going to take me forever. I have no idea if this was the best project to start at this current moment, but it gives me something to do.. and it looks quite promising, doesn't it? Well, actually it looks like oversized calamari.... Hmm...

I also have to finish a project I started as a suprise for someone special. Here's a hint:

It turned out not to be a terribly long list, but it's a list nonetheless that needs to be fit in around work and friends and other appointments. We'll see how this week goes; I hope it'll be as good as I'm predicting.

And finally, because I can't help myself, a gratuitious boyfriend picture.

He can't decide whether to be grupmpy about the hat or start laughing hysterically...
<3

Well, well, well.. a new idea!

2010-06-25T16:30:00.005-04:00

Lately I've been having a very hard time finding inspiration for new crochet patterns. I guess it's the same creative rut that every artist goes through. I happen to find it particularly frustrating because every time I can't figure out something new to work up, I try my hand at knitting, ultimately fail, and then get super frustrated at the fact that I still can't figure out where to put the damn needles and my left hand hurts in places it never does when I crochet making it virtually unuseable for a good 48 hours afterward.

So, after having gone through that seemingly inevitable process a few days ago, I finally managed to eek out some new sketches... without the use of my left hand, of course.

I'm developing a new free pattern and a few new goodies to put in the shop, so be on the look out!

I'm headed to the shore this weekend, so no blogging for me, but before I go, I just wanted to share this adorable babies from Regina over at everyeskimo.

This is wheezie

And this is tillie

These little guys are oeuflings, or the miniature creatures that hatch out of unfound easter eggs. I can't decide which one I love more, although tillie is starting to pull on my heartstrings quite a bit. You really should pop over to her shop and check them out along with the oodles of vintage goodies she sells and her fabulous embroidery pieces.

And.. even though I said there was going to be a gratuitous boyfriend picture in this post.. I decided to go with a gratuitous gato picture instead.. mostly because she's rubbing up against my leg as I'm typing and I can't resist.

This is my Luna... isn't she adorable? When she isn't trying to rip my face off, that is.......

Projects, Old and New

2010-06-24T00:29:00.009-04:00

So many projects to talk about, so little time! (mostly because I'm exhausted, but I simply can't resist sharing..)

I haven't been crocheting much for myself lately. Boyfriend has opened up a whole new world of possibilities, and it's been amazing being able to make things for someone who not only appreciates them, but appreciates me. That being said, a few selfish projects have managed to worm their way into my schedule.

First, there was this guy:

With his three layers of ice creamy goodness and his multi-colored bugle bead sprinkles, he was a joy to make. There's nothing like envisioning something in your head and then watching it come to life. He's a modification of the Strawberry and French Vanilla Ice Cream Cone Pattern that's available in my shop. When I decided to make him, I knew I wanted something larger than the original and with a little more spunk. And he certainly has spunk.. especially the scoop of strawberry ice cream at the top. I think the sprinkles make him a bit more sassy than his peers.

Then I didn't make anything for a while that wasn't for someone else until... the fifth season Doctor Who episode with the weeping angels aired. A friend of mine was cleaning out his garden and found his old cement fountain had cracked over the winter and the pudgy cherubs had broken into rather large chunks. He gave a particularly whiney looking severed cherub head to my Mother to stage in my room as a joke. She wanted to throw it out afterward. Unfortunately, I had fallen in love.... and decided he needed a hat, of course.
So, here he is, hat and all: (his mushed face and tempermental whine remind me of the mandrakes in Harry Potter.... I mean, really, how could you resist?)

As for future projects... I just discovered these (unfortunately) at PurlSoho. They're needlepoint canvases based on the work of illustrator Charley Harper, who I idolize. His colors range from the vibrant to the mundane, but the minimalist way he depicted animals infused such a life and sense of soul in them, it's hard to look at his work and not be inspired. He broke nature down to its base parts in such a unique way, his silkscreen work became ledgend and it is easy to see the building blocks of every modern, minimalist artist in his pieces.

Unfortunately, PurlSoho has taken it upon themselves to attmept to make these needlepoint canvases as snooty and expensive as possible. Needlepoint is a dying art, and therefore the canvases are a bit more expensive than they used to be and a bit harder to find, but charging upwards of $100 for the canvas alone is obscene. Apparently, PurlSoho felt the need to have the canvases handpainted instead of simply printed because it makes them "extra special" ::coughcoughextraexpensivecoughcough:: Here, you might as well read for yourself:

"Handpainted needlepoint canvases are extra special because the artist takes extra care to paint the colors on the canvas grid in such a manner that it is perfectly clear what color each stitch should be. If this process weren't taken so seriously, colors would bleed from one hole of the mesh to the next, making it unclear what colors should be used for what stitches and therefore creating a much less satisfying result."

Oh, I get it now. They're trying to save me from having to think about where I'm putting my stitches. Well, that makes sense. A crafter isn't supposed to be thinking about their work or the overall aesthetic value of it. Thanks, PurlSoho for saving me from the incredibly difficult art of using my brain to make creative choices. You really are swell.

Thankfully, in what seems to have been a lapse of judgement in the company's "lets bilk our customers for all they're worth because we're in Soho and we can" department, they not only posted a picture of the completed Rainforest Birds canvas (which happens to be my favorite)...

they also posted a detailed color key which can be seen at full size and downloaded here.And so, armed with the tracing skills I picked up in the first grade and some old, blank, needlepoint canvases I picked up at a yard sale, I'm ready to get started... and save $90.
How's that for using my noodle, PurlSoho?

As an unrelated side note, there will be a boyfriend picture in the next post. I'm done resisting...

The morning after.

2010-06-23T12:25:00.013-04:00

So shining in the sunlight this morning, the cactuses seem quite pleased with their new home. Just about as pleased as I am to be shining in the sunlight in my new t-shirt from Threadless.com. It's adorable and grotesque - just how I like things.

(I was trying way too hard not to giggle in this picture.)

You know what else I like? Handlebar moustaches.
(As a side note, while I abhor Urban Outfitters for the gall they seem to have when it comes to pricing, they do have some adorable, unique, and semi-reasonable stuff.. especially in the adorable moustache department.) Today I decided to check out Etsy and see what moustache goodies were lurking around.

This adorable totebag from PaisleyMagic.

A light switch cover that looks like it stepped right out of a 1950's malt shop by julietew

These fabulous moustache props courtesy of Whiskerworks.

And, my personal favorite, this all too-true keychain handmade by AnniePants. Because we've all thought about that moustache... whether we want to admit it or not.

So, whether Tom Selleck is your man, or Teddy Roosevelt is more your style, there are plenty of moustachy goodies available on Etsy.. trust me, I'm looking.

And I'm still resisting the urge to post a gratuitous boyfriend picture... ~~even though he does have a moustache so it would be semi-appropriate... hmm..~~ He just shaved.. so much for that.. I suppose I'll have to find another flimsy reason to post one.

Of cupcakes and plant stands and cherry lime soda..

2010-06-23T00:04:00.005-04:00

My fingers are killing me.

The downside of being catus-obsessed, I suppose. I set up a new, incredibly pink plant stand tonight which involved moving some wayward cactuses from where they had taken a prolonged pit-stop on the dining room table (ruining a tablecover in the process, I might add. Some plants you just can't take anywhere) into my bedroom.

They seem happy with their brightly colored pots and miniature umbrellas.. not as happy as I am though. That plant stand was successfully garbage picked, and now after having been painted a candy-coated shade of bubblegum pink looks as good as new and worth far more than the $40 miniature one I priced at Urban Outfitters last week. Yooo-hoo! Hipsters! I think you may be getting ripped off... but maybe it's just me. Perhaps paying an inflated price for miniature decor is part of the allure of hipsterdom.

In case you haven't noticed, the blog has gotten a bit of a face lift. New color scheme, same basic premise. The shop has been re-stocked, I have new business cards on the way, and now I'm sitting back, enjoying a rainbow striped cupcake and a cherry limeaide... and picking the minute spines out of my finger tips. Oh summertime. Does it get any better than this?

Oh wait.. It can! Danielle from Danielleorama is giving away an adorable owl brooch that just makes me melt. All you have to do is pop over to her site and post a comment listing your favorite things about summer (the only hard part about that is narrowing down all the choices) and your email address. Then you're immediately entered to win! The contest goes through June 24th so you better head over there fast. Trust me, you don't want to miss it.

I'm tempted to throw in a gratuitous boyfriend picture right about now, but he may just kill me..... perhaps in the next post...

...And we're off!

2010-01-18T15:15:00.003-05:00

The Shop is OPEN!

Please stop by to see all the wonderful (and inappropriate ;) )goodies and tell all of your friends! I'm really excited to have everything up and running again and I can't wait to start adding some new things. :)

My second semester at Mason Gross starts tomorrow, and even though things are going to get crazier, I have a feeling I'm going to need the shop to escape to even more. I also signed up for another swap on Craftster that I'm hoping to get accepted into (::keeps fingers crossed::). It was positively irresistable!

So what's the story, Morning Glory?

2009-12-27T17:00:00.002-05:00

Wow, it has been much too long, hasn't it? Much, much, much too long..

So much has happened in the last few months and, unfortunately, the shop has suffered a bit. I just put it on vaca until I can do some serious revamping (which it desperately needs) and then it will return! Shiny, new, and improved!

I've missed the shop, and having the free time to design things for it, but mostly, I've missed all of you. I hope to be around much more in the future as it is the camaraderie and the companionship with everyone I've met through my little business that make everything worthwhile.

I hope you'll all have a little patience with me just a bit longer and see the shop get a new life.

This is Halloween..

2009-10-05T19:39:00.003-04:00

this is Halloween.. Halloween! Halloween!

Okay, well.. not yet. But the Halloween 09 Crochet Pattern Collection is now available in my Etsy Shop! Yay!

Here they are! From Left to Right: Creature from the Blue Lagoon and Baby, The Devil's Marshmallow, and Cute Bunnies Like Body Parts too.

So go! Check them out and tell all your friends!

Wow.. it has been a while, hasn't it?

2009-09-23T10:26:00.005-04:00

I decided about three weeks ago after my first day of college that the whole experience is very much like buying tampons for the first time. Everyone remembers that first nerve-wracking trip to the drugstore - you feel like someone's ripping your uterus from your body and all you want to do is get in and out. Inevitably though, whoever you're purchasing them from has to go all 5 o'clock-after-school-special on you and make some inappropriate comment that embarasses you and send you out the door the color of a tomato. That's college, in a nutshell. Grinning and bearing it doesn't work.. and someone is always going to make that inappropriate comment.

My classes are fantastic and the opportunities are endless - I can only hope things will improve for me socially. I will admit, I'm having a bit of a hard time relating. I suppose that will come with time.

In crochet news: I received my Octopussy from SquidHead!!
Isn't it adorable?!?! ::squee::

I'm also almost finished with my Halloween crochet patterns - I'll have them posted this weekend! ;)

In swap news: I'm making serious progress for my partner.. I really think she's going to love her stuff and I can't wait to show all of you!! :D

College is insane but I'm going to try much harder to be around more often. It's no fun doing this alone.

It's all down hill.. er.. down river from here.

2009-08-26T09:44:00.005-04:00

They're here.....

Or at least I am, for the moment. Vacation was fabulous and, surprisingly, hurricane-free (with the exception of Bill, of course, who we seemed to just miss.. funny how those things work out).

School begins for me in a week. I have an orientation on Saturday and one again on Monday which includes a picnic and alot of implied bonding time with my peers, who happen to be a year younger than me and, according to USA TODAY, completely oblivious to history and culture before MTV and the Internet (big suprise), but, I digress... Things are going to start getting crazy around here (yes, crazier than they already are) and I have alot to begin, finish, and fiddle around with in a very short period of time. The Tom Baker Season 12 Doctor Who Scarf, finished size: 10'10" long, 10 1/2 inches wide, has a due date in mid-October. My Swap Partner's multiple goodies all need to be birthed and sent by October 9th. Oh.. and did I mention I have yet to finish and type up the Halloween Patterns for my shop? The last one should be done, all ends tucked and snipped, by tonight, and then I'm hoping to get them all posted very, with a capital "Hurry Up!," soon. So many babies, so little time.

I wish I had pictures of the completed Kitschy Halloween projects to show you all, but I'll get them added to the post later. I will be running a "Purchase a Halloween Pattern, Get $1.00 Off Any Other Pattern" Sale so keep checking back here for dates. In the mean time, wish me luck, the seas are going to get choppy, there are pleanty of sharks in the water, and, here I am, trapped in a skiff without Starbucks. Oi.

By the way.. Who wants to buy this for me? ;)

I'm Actually Going on Vaca This Time!

2009-08-12T16:11:00.004-04:00

Isn't it exciting?! Every year, for about 5 years now, my Father and I have driven down to Florida and spent a few days in Disney World. I always look forward to it, and it's always fun.. well, as much fun as anything can be when you stick two people who are too much alike in a car for 8 to 10 hours a day. The one saving grace of the whole trip is that the two of us have the same attitude about Disney World - there's no rush - which means when we get there (if we manage to get there without maiming each other) we take our time, go on the same rides a billion times because, really, it's impossible to go on Haunted Mansion too many times, and eat our way through each park. I'm about 5 pounds heavier by the time we get back, but, remarkably, not a bit tanner. ::shrug::

I'm leaving tomorrow and won't return until the 23rd of August. I will have a computer with me, but only for weather checking purposes and making sure I keep in touch with my Craftster Swap Partner - don't want her to think I disappeared on her, especially now that I actually have viable ideas! [I'll give you a hint: It has to do with this tutorial, a cryptozoological creature, and granny squares. I know, I know, it doesn't mean anything to you, but to me, it's a million dollar idea - Trust Me. ;) ] The only thing I regret about this trip is that I'm going to miss my daily Golden Girls fix. I suppose I'll have to start getting used to it, college stops for no Bea Arthur fan! Unfortunately..

It's Hot and Sticky Out and I don't approve.

2009-08-11T10:43:00.006-04:00

It's Tuesday? Really.. Jeeze. Where does the time go? This last week seemed to slip right by me, which, I must admit, is mildly disturbing. I'm having lunch with a close friend of mine today, who I have lunch with every Tuesday, and it seems like I was just sitting across a table from him yesterday! I don't know, I guess I've been so busy, time just melted away.

It was my birthday on Sunday! Happy Birthday to me - I'm officially the ripe old age of 19! I went on a mini-shopping spree at Anthropologie and got a few beautiful, cuddly sweaters to pump up my winter wardrobe and went for lunch with my Father at this fantastic fish restaurant in Princeton. The day before, I spent with my Mother, watching old episodes of Hercules:The Legendary Journeys and drinking way too much punch. It was a fabulous birthday, and, frankly, I don't know how I got to be so lucky.

I also managed to get some crocheting done, shocking as that is. I finished the Whale I'm going to be swapping for one of SquidHead's Octopussys. So Cute right? ::squee:: I can't wait!

I also finished a Custom Order for CupcakeInferno. A Strawberry & French Vanilla Ice Cream Cone and a Strawberry Cupcake:It's hard to not love the two of them together - they're like a match made in crocheted dessert heaven.

And I'm not finished yet. I have a Doctor Who Scarf that needs to be done by Mid-October that's going to make me a good bit of money (Check out the one I made for myself here) and I'm also doing a Craftster Swap, a massive Craftster Swap, that ends October 9th. Did I also mention I have Halloween Crochet Patterns that need to be finished and tested so they can go in the shop soon? Oh. and College starts in less than a month. Why, yes, I did bite off more than I can chew. But that's why I'm a rockstar.

It's Monday and I think we all need a laugh

2009-08-03T13:30:00.005-04:00

I leaf through a lot of crocheted toys, patterns, and the like so to see something that not only suprises me but makes me laugh, is as shocking as it is delightful. SquidHead runs an adorable little Etsy shop full of crocheted octopus plushies that I am completely in love with. And, perhaps because I have a bit of a screw loose myself, her Octopussy is, by far, my favorite. Now before you all run off screaming things like "That's so lewd!" and "I'm reporting you to the Better Business Bureau!" take a moment to appreciate not only the humor but the creative genius behind this little baby.I mean, c'mon, if that doesn't tickle your funny bone, you're either dead or a Televangelist.

So, in conclusion, I think you should all wander over to her Shop, check her out on Flickr, or just go buy something for Christ's sake because she's obviously fabulous.

[Update!: SquidHead and I have agreed to swap a custom Moby Pete plush for an Octopussy! ::squee:: I feel like a little kid on Christmas!]

I thought I made it very clear I was hiding in a corner this week.. hrumph!

2009-07-30T23:59:00.005-04:00

Yay! It's officially Friday! Bring on the It's-a-fabulous-friday-let's-go-crazy, fruity, girly drinks and Golden Girls marathon that always accompany the end of the week bliss, or at least, should accompany said end of the week bliss, especially after a week like this one has been. No matter how hard I tried to hide under my desk underneath tons of wrinkly old blankets and eat my cookies and wallow in miserable Etsy failure in peace, something always seemed to come up, to require attention, or to bump up against me like a Shark trolling for food (okay, that last one was the cat). Now it's finally Friday and I can take really and truly take a deep breath.. or lots of shallow ones. Quantity over Quality really isn't as bad as people make it out to be.

I know I should be sleeping but I'm too busy now making a list of things to do tomorrow. I had the rather unfortunate luck of running into my own doorframe in my kitchen tonight and I'm now sporting a rather fashionable bruise on my right hand. Black and Blue is all the rage. Trust me, you heard it here first. I really should give my hand at least 4 days minimum before I jump back on the crocheting train but I know my head will simply explode with boredom in that time so I'm giving it till Saturday and then I'm picking up the next project. Period. Anyway, this entire round-about anecdote (eerily reminiscent of one of my Grandmother's lengthy, strung-out stories to the point that I'm almost uncomfortable) was to explain why I'm fervently list-making: I have a free day tomorrow to do all of the little things that have been piling up of late... I can organize my new index cards, clean my desk, pot some Spider plant babies, tend to a rather ornery Snake Plant [AN: I didn't realize until just now how many of my plants are named after creepy things in the Animal Kingdom and I don't think I want to really read too much into it], take a yarn inventory, mend some vintage blankets and, of course, watch some Golden Girls. Oh, and even though I'm poor, perhaps I'll splurge and treat myself to this shirt.. Crazy Dog Tshirts has it for a semi-reasonable price.. Then again.. maybe I'll just continue to oogle it for a while. You have to admit though, it's pretty damn snazzy. Ooo.. I can just see it under a Cardigan!
And, yes, I secretly am an old lady. That's why cats like me so much.

Maybe I'll make that shirt my treat when I complete my first custom crochet order.. which, (cross your fingers) if it works out, will be quite a substantial amount of work along with quite a substantial amount of money. That shirt can be my pie in the sky! Mmm. Pie.

Anyway, my list is done, my hand is iced, and I'm off to sleep. Happy Weekend Everyone!

Oh, and as an aside, if you do decide to check out Crazy Dog Tshirts, be sure to check out the Halloween Costume page. I hate to say it but, as usual, Jim Gaffigan is right, Halloween is just an excuse for grown women to dress like sluts.. I nearly choked on my water (yes, I'm off the DoubleShots) when I saw the Strawberry Shortcake costume.. Yikes! Holy Hooker, Batman! (and don't even get me started on Ghostbusters Girl...)

"I AM taking deep breaths.. I think.."

2009-07-28T13:48:00.004-04:00

It seems like I'm not going to be able to get through this week without some serious multi-tasking. It's only Tuesday and my head is already spinning with patterns that need to be finished, corners that need to be cleaned and dusted, doctor's appointments and engagements I wish could be avoided.. I'm muttering mantras like "chain stitch, fasten off, need some lunch, call the doctor, check email, call doctor again, check email, chain stitch, cat puke!, take pictures, nap, check email, pimp self out on twitter, is it really 11 'o clock already?, chain stitch" under my breath while trying not to overdose on Starbucks DoubleShots and Snow Caps. Once again, my life is completely in the hands of someone else and their time schedule and wrapped up in their problems and I feel as if I'm hourly banging my head against a wall trying to motivate them to get their head out of their ass and it's more time-consuming then I can afford right now.

The one thing I did manage to get wrapped up today was the posting of a new pattern in the shop! Meet Moby Pete, the Great Off-White Whale, the lesser-known brother of Moby Dick. He's perfect for a new baby or make a set of them (one with a flower and one with a top hat) for a newly married couple!
You can find him nestled in the shop here and purchase him for only $4.00. So pop on over and check him out!

In other news, the Grand Prize Winner of my Excitable Embroidery Giveaway, Biologie, blogged about her winnings over the weekend in a post entitled "Hurray for Crochet." I would definitely recommend her blog; between the recipes and stories about her family, it's worth a read.

I'd love to stay and continue to chat, but I have a doctor's appointment in a few hours (big suprise) and I still have to try and fix the Toshiba I'm using so that CTRL+C actually works and brushing the touchpad doesn't send my pointer off into no-mans land. It's going to be a long day... so much for cutting back on the DoubleShots

xoxo

The Shop's Going on Vacation.. unfortunately, I'm not.

2009-07-20T11:40:00.005-04:00

So the shop is going on vacation today until next Tuesday, July 28th... exciting, right? This is the part where you try to figure out what exotic place I'll be basking in for the next week, what unforgiving mountain side I'll be daring to climb, what untamed jungle I'll be battling my way through with nothing but a bottle of Pellegrino and a Machete... Ocean Grove, New Jersey, kids. (By the by, you can all breathe that collective sigh of relief now that you know no one was stupid enough to give me something sharper than a butter knife or leave me alone in a jungle)

The Ocean Grove Ladies Auxiliary Bazaar is this coming Friday and Saturday and I've been helping out since I was a wee little one, selling things at my own 5 and dime table. Now, I've been promoted to the uber-glamorous job of selling and packing dishes and will be spending my week setting the tables up, moving boxes (since I'm the only one there not eligible for an AARP card and therefore the only one that can move anything), selling, moving more boxes, battling rogue insects, and packing up people's purchases. It's a grueling week and by the time I get to Sunday, I always feel as if I've trekked up the side of Everest or just survived a bout of some exotic disease. Since an internet hub is a bit hard to track down in God's Square Mile (yes, that is Ocean Grove's nickname. And, yes, I know what you're thinking, I can't believe they haven't chased me out of town with pitchforks yet either) I've decided to put the shop on vaca, develop a few new patterns, and post them beginning next Tuesday when I'll be feeling a little bit less like I'm going to die.

So wish me luck, all.. I'm going to need it.

Oh.. and did I mention that all members of the Ladies Auxiliary are required to wear the official red Ladies Auxiliary shirts - at all times? Oh yes.

Thank you for being a friend..

2009-07-17T16:58:00.003-04:00

Friday night and here I am watching the Golden Girls (and loving it). Why, yes, I am a raunchy 80 year old woman trapped in a younger body - issues? Nope, didn't think so..

This week I've been featured on two fabulous blogs by two incredibly fabulous people (who I absolutely adore).

First, Michele from By Your Side asked me to do an interview. You can read it, and all of the lovely comments that were left, here. Her blog is great, filled with her new fabric purchases and pictures of the purses she designs and creates herself. You really should go and check it out, especially if you're on the hunt for the perfect bag.

And then today, as if this week wasn't filled with enough uber-flattering moments, EveryEskimo, easily my favorite felt plushie creator, featured my little crocheted sperm on her blog. Her "Tee vs. Dress" posts are insightful and always showcase clothes that have me drooling, and her softies are macabre, hilarious, ironic, and, really, everything you could ever want.

So go! Check them out! Drool, Oogle, and all that jazz - and support them, because they're amazing.

Woosh.. it's Monday AGAIN!

2009-07-13T18:17:00.002-04:00

So much has happened this week.. First of all the Mortal Plush exhibit opened this past Saturday and here's Ginger!
Ahh! I still can't believe she's there looking all fabulous.. ::sigh:: I hope she sells.

In other fabulous news, I got my eyeballs from EnamiEyes in the mail and finished the poor, eviscerated Kracken - which I named Honeydew..

I told you the eyes are perfect! It was definitely worth the wait - and I never say that, being the most impatient person on the planet.

I also posted a new pattern in the shop today..

"Strawberry and French Vanilla Ice Cream Cone" - another zero-calorie crocheted summer dessert! You can purchase (or oogle) it here.

In the best, and most fabulous news, Michele from By Your Side wanted me to do an interview for her blog. She is such a sweetheart and it was absolutely flattering to be asked, how could I say no? You can read (and check out her fabulous blog) right here.

Hopefully, this week will be just as successful (maybe I'll actually sell something!) and jam-packed. Keep your fingers crossed..

xoxo

It is Monday, right?

2009-07-06T16:19:00.003-04:00

I swear, days have been running together lately.. I hardly know whether I'm coming or going!

Ginger was delivered last Thursday to the Art Whino gallery along with her consignment form. I believe I made the right decision as far as the price is concerned so we'll see if she has any takers!

I also finished a new crochet pattern over the weekend that will be posted in the shop tomorrow!

"Peanut Butter" Get it? I know it's corny, but in a "Wow, that's totally adorable and I need it!" kind of way. I also have a couple of other patterns in the works.. and that's always fun!

We'll see where the rest of the week leads.

xoxo

Grr.. a Snafoo!

2009-06-30T13:24:00.004-04:00

I don't think I've ever used that word before in my life, but I think this instance officially qualifies. Remember that picture a few posts back of all those legs and the mouth part (you know, the crocheted kracken that was supposed to be my follow-up Mortal Plush submission that I never finished and we're not talking about?) We'll I picked it back up again yesterday and managed to make a pretty damn good dent in it.

The head is going to be built back (you can see it starting to form on the top of the photo) and I was seriously on a roll when I realized the safety eyes I had lying around that I figured would be big and menacing enough... weren't. Ugh. I know. Trust me, I know.

So, in a fit of panic/rage I ordered these which are absolutely perfect from EnamiEyes. (I'm totally plugging her shop because her selection is fabulous! Go check it out, you know, if you happen to be making any oversized sea beasties that need eyeballs in the near future...)

In a way I'm happy the ones I had didn't fit because the new eyes are too uber-fab for words, but I really want to finish the damn thing.. I feel bad having left it practically eviscerated for so long.

For now, I suppose, I'll just have to keep bouncing along onto another project.. I'm definitely going to do a free pattern in July in honor of Bastille Day and I have a pretty good idea of what it's going to be.. I'll leave you with that.. ;)

Carry On My Wayward Son..

2009-06-29T11:39:00.004-04:00

Before you all say anything, I won't accept any flack for the Kansas-inspired title of this entry so get over it.. and if you're really having issues with it, just think about it this way, I could have used "Dust in the Wind"..... Yeah. Now don't you love my title? ;)

This last week has been a busy and totally exciting one. Of course there were moments when all I could think about was the loss of my friend, but that's the way it goes. His memorial service was the weekend before last and seeing all the people that were such a huge part of his life and reminiscing with them made him seem so alive, as if he was going to just walk through the door any minute and call us all "dumb fucks" for actually buying into his ridiculous prank. It's the moments when I remind myself that he's never going to walk through that door again that are the hardest to get through, but that's when you put your nose to the grindstone and crochet through it. And, remember, I did say it was an exciting week, so bear with me here.

Tuesday I found out Ginger (my tri-headed hydra plush toy) had been accepted into the Mortal Plush show! I'll be sending her out tomorrow as soon as I decide on a price.. I have two consignment forms sitting here with two different prices, we'll see which one I end up sending.

And, in more super exciting news, there are three new crochet patterns for sale in the shop:

Siamese Cherries, double the trouble

Mr. & Mrs. Mushroom Secret Keepers

Cinnamon Bun with Extra Frosting

You can find them here in my Etsy shop! Aren't they adorable? I absolutely love selling patterns.. if only because I get to keep whatever I make. (I know it's awful, but I'm terribly greedy when it comes to adorable crocheted food)

I got my shipment of 200 9mm safety eyes in today so that means a chance for 100 new crocheted babies!... Hmm.. Now that I acctually see that number on paper, I think I'm going to need some more shelves... Oh dear. I'm going to go have some oatmeal, that always makes me feel better.

Uncle Sam Firecracker

2009-06-22T14:41:00.005-04:00

Who doesn't want to crochet up something adorable for 4th of July? I know I did, which is how the Uncle Sam Firecracker was born! I've decided to share this pattern and I hope you all enjoy making it as much as I did!
The finished product measures about 4 1/2 inches high from its bottom to the top of its hat. You can access the PDF pattern here.

Enjoy! [and tell all your friends ;) ]

To all of my Readers and Friends..

2009-06-16T13:38:00.004-04:00

I'm just going to come out and say it - these last few weeks have brought about some trying times. The shop seems to be failing and I'm barely squeezing out new ideas... I've been trying to bring new life into this blog by starting the "Fab Finds Friday" entries, but I honestly can't do it anymore. A few months ago a very dear friend of my family was diagnosed with Cancer. The doctors said it was curable, that they could save his life. He received the best treatment and the most qualified specialists.. and it did absolutely nothing. The Cancer migrated to his brain and took up home there, growing until he couldn't even recognize his husband, the man that had loved and cared for him for many years. He died last Thursday.

I want to keep the shop up and running, but the gimmicks have to go. No more "Fab Finds Friday," no more spending hours a day on Twitter - I'll be around, but for the next few weeks, until I can get my head in a better place, I won't be living on the computer. In the next few days, I'll be posting some new patterns for sale in the shop and I hope that does the trick, if not, honestly, life is way too short to worry about it.

Friday already? Really? Oh well.. Lets see some Fleamarket Finds!

2009-06-05T11:44:00.005-04:00

Sheesh.. how can it be Friday already? It's been one of those odd weeks where I've been trying to get alot accomplished but I seem to be moving in slow motion, like I'm stuck in Jell-o. It's very frustrating. I have a few new patterns I'm going to be posting in the shop by the end of next week which I'm hoping will bring in some sales.

On a happier note, last Saturday was the Spring Fleamarket in Ocean Grove, New Jersey. For those of you who may not know (which is probably everyone) Ocean Grove is a small historic district on the coast of New Jersey between Asbury Park and Bradley Beach. My Grandparents have one of the historic tent-houses and I've spent my summers there from the time I was a wee little one. There are two fleamarkets during the season, one in the spring and one in the fall, and they are both absolutely fab. Here are the highlights of my purchases:

A super old bread box that is currently holding my panties (odd, yes. practical, yes again)

Vintage DMC and Coats & Clark Embroidery books.. all the pages are still there, including the transfer patterns.. Can you believe DMC acctually has a pattern for you to cross stitch a zebra?

Some Tunisian Crochet hooks (which I was so excited about! I can't find any in my local craft stores) and wooden knitting needles.

How is this chenille blanket not the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? It's double bed sized and has that great ruffle around the bottom. It's so kitschy and completely irresistable! I simply couldn't leave it there.

It was a really wonderful day.. I only hope this weekend will be just as nice (although judging by the weather, I don't think there's a snowball's chance in hell of that).

Fab Finds Friday - Star Trek Edition

2009-05-29T12:18:00.012-04:00

I've decided to start a new series on my blog entitled "Fab Finds" Friday. Every other Friday I'll be posting a few items from Etsy sellers that fit in with a particular theme.

In honor of the fact that I'll be going to see Star Trek this weekend for a third time, I wanted to post my favorite Star Trek-inspired finds!

So.. here we go!

Hilarious (and totally true) card from Able and Game

Adorable Tribbles (that you don't have to feed... or do you?) from Shut Up Robot

Handcarved Communicator stamp from The Nerd Nook (There isn't a Trekkie alive who hasn't wanted to stamp a communicator on everything they own.. don't lie!)

And, by far, the coolest hat I have ever seen, the Wonderland Andorian Hat from Wonderland Creations (Also make sure to check out the Klingon hat - it's equally as snazzy!)
Enjoy!

Drum Roll Please.. We Have Our Winners!

2009-05-26T00:28:00.005-04:00

Attention! Because I have not heard back from one of our runner-up prize winners with an e-mail address, I have just picked a new winner (again, using Random.org to generate a new number.) Congratulations Erin!

Now, before I get around to announcing the winners, I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who participated - the response was incredible, to say the least. It’s hard sometimes, as a crafter, to make things that other people enjoy as much as you do.. especially when you get into the realm of raunchy needlework! I can’t tell you how relieved I am that I wasn’t chased off of Blogger with pitchforks and phasers, but, alas, I digress..

::Ahem:: Moving on.. As I mentioned in the rules, I used Random.org to generate three numbers which then corresponded to the order in which comments were left (the first person to leave a comment was assigned the number 1 and so on and so forth). If there are any questions regarding how the winners were picked, feel free to ask. :)

And so, without any further ado.. Our First Prize Winner is:
--> Biologie

Our First and Second Runners-up are:
--> Erin
--> Marysgranddaughter

Congratulations Everyone! I’ll be e-mailing you tomorrow (or, later on today, as it were) so I can send you your prizes!

[Author’s Note: I want to apologize for not getting this post out closer to midnight, but my computer was determined to make me look completely incompetent tonight.. :) ]

Excitable Embroidery - Free Giveaway!

2009-05-12T13:31:00.010-04:00

Attention! The deadline for the giveaway has been extended until Monday, May 25!

To celebrate the launch of my new embroidery line entitled "Excitable Embroidery" I'm going to be doing a free give-away here on my blog! Here is the piece along with an adorable crocheted sperm:

As you may have noticed, it's not your Grandmother's embroidery.. ;) The piece is set in a 5 inch hoop and is finished in the back.

All of the pieces in this line are intended as novelty items and not to be offensive in any way, if you're interested (and it's as amusing to you as it is to me), just follow these 2 simple steps to enter the contest:

1) Sign up to become a follower of my blog.

2) Leave a comment on this post with your name and e-mail address.

[If you already follow my blog and want to enter, only do Step 2. :)]

Now.. on to the prizes!
First Prize: The above piece of embroidery plus ONE adorable crocheted sperm (also shown in the picture.)

First and Second Runners Up: Will be sent TWO sperm EACH.

That's a total of SIX prizes and THREE Winners!

How the Winners will be chosen:
On Monday, May 25 at midnight I will be using Random.org to figure out the winners. Everyone who comments will be assigned a number corresponding to the order their comment was left. For example, the first person to leave a comment on this post will be assigned the number 1 and so on and so forth. After the winners are announced, I will e-mail you so you can send me your address and I can send you your prize!

If there are any questions, let me know!
And, as always, remember to check out the shop at: http://www.etsy.com/tilliellie

Author's Note: To answer a question I seem to have neglected in the original rules, the giveaway IS open internationally. Hope that helps!

Woosh.. Star Trek

2009-05-11T16:02:00.003-04:00

What a long and totally uninspiring week.

I started and stopped and restarted my follow-up Mortal Plush submission three times, I sketched and resketched my next Craftster challenge entry twice, AND I managed to come up with no (yes, I just said "no") new ideas. I hate weeks like that - they feel like such a waste! Lump on top of that the fact I haven't sold anything in nearly a month and I was just about ready to drown my sorrows in bags and bags of Reese's Pieces.

However! Thanks to copious amounts of Stargate:Atlantis, the release of Star Trek (which I went to see twice in a period of three days and wore my Captain Kirk shirt both times because I am, indeed, a total nerd), and way too many chocolate covered strawberries - I got my groove back. The plush is 1/3 finished, the challenge entry is designed and begun, AND, be prepared, because I will be doing a give-away this week.

More details to follow.. I may even amend this post later to include photos of the first stages of my new plush..

Look! Tentacles! and Mouth-Parts!

Of Mondays and Birthdays

2009-05-04T23:39:00.004-04:00

So today was my Father's birthday... [Author's Note: For me that's sort of a loaded statement full of possible directions; I could talk about how his brothers and mother don't support him and how every holiday is a stark reminder of that, or how much fun we had walking around Kohls with a bunch of wierdos waiting for the restaurant we wanted to eat at to open, or how no matter how hard I try to make his birthday as special as possible, I never quite feel like I make it because his mind seems to always be on his aforementioned relatives. See? loaded.] I think that's all I'll say.

In other news, which is simultaneously annoying and exciting, the Mortal Plush deadline has been extended.. which means I can not only submit another entry but I can also have heart palpitations until June 22 when the official decision will be made.. So.. yes, it's exciting.. and, yes, totally terrifying as well. ::sigh:: At least I have some ideas.

In Lucy news, the voting begins on the 6th! As for the next challenge, I have some ideas for that as well... so we shall see. Glad it's only the beginning of the week - there's so much to be done!

Finished... sort of.

2009-05-01T23:05:00.007-04:00

SO! The Mortal Plush submission went in yesterday and today I posted my Eggcellent Upcycling challenge entry... Here she is, Lucy, my sugar skull made from a plastic Easter egg..

Logically, I knew I didn't have a chance in hell of winning but there's always that little subversive voice in the back of your head going "You know, maybe you have a shot..."

That little voice shut up rather quickly once I saw that someone had made a 3 foot tall Dalek using the Easter eggs as the bumps. ::sigh:: Oh well, at least she's still fabulous. Can you believe she used to be an egg?!? Hell, I still can't.

And now we play the waiting game.. waiting to see if anyone is going to vote for Lucy and if I'm going to get into the Mortal Plush exhibit. The waiting is the worst part because there's absolutely nothing I can do but sit here and blog about it. And embroider.. at least that's taking my mind off of things. It's all too raunchy and scandelous for words. I should be posting the first of them tomorrow... I think I'm calling it "Excitable Embroidery." I'm also thinking of doing a give-away next week.. We'll see how neurotic I get over the aforementioned waiting and how much of a distraction I need. Again - ::sigh::

Contests.

2009-04-30T00:34:00.006-04:00

I must be a glutton for punishment. The only thing I've ever won in my life was an afghan in a Chinese Auction when I was eight - nothing before that, nothing since - and this month, I've decided to dive head-first not only into the "Eggcellent Upcycling" challenge on Craftster but to throw my work, my Ginger, out there to be considered for the Mortal Plush exhibit (read more about that here: http://www.mortalplush.blogspot.com/). It's all so completely nerve-wracking.

I took another set of pictures of her today (making that the third). Here she is scouting for her next meal..

I hope she gets accepted. I think I may be crushed if she doesn't even though I know there are far more talented artists vying for the same slot I am. The only consolation I have is there isn't a set number of entries they're accepting.. I think it gives me a better shot. Or maybe I'm just telling myself that so I'll sleep tonight.

On top of that, I have my Eggcellent Upcycling challenge entry to finish tomorrow. The idea of the challenge is to take one of those dinky plastic Easter eggs and turn them into something fab. I think my entry's quite imaginative and cute - but, again, I haven't won anything since the afghan and I'm not holding out much hope that those Craftster people will like it. I've posted both Ginger and an homage to Tom Baker on there and I can count all the comments I've gotten on them on my two hands.. clearly they weren't very popular. And then, I look at some of the things that are popular with pages and pages of people saying things like "I'm hitting 'This Rocks' all over this project" and "You're super!" and I go "Really? Because I can't quite see it.." Maybe I'm just too far off. Either way, my entry is almost finished and I can't back out now even though I'm not sure which is more devastating - being too much of a coward to enter or going through with it and not getting a single vote.

I suppose what it comes down to is that I've never been a coward.. and I don't intend to start now.

Swine Flu.. ::sigh::

2009-04-29T00:01:00.005-04:00

The next person that says they can't eat bacon because they might get swine flu from it is getting my foot up their ass... I mean, seriously people.. YOU CAN'T GET SWINE FLU FROM EATING MEAT - IT ISN'T MAD COW!! Gosh.

Ugh. Okay. Oddly, that acctually made me feel better.

In other news that isn't nearly as infuriating, I have some babies to post tomorrow on Etsy! I finished a new Kitschy Owl tonight and, just in time for Mother's Day, some crocheted sperm. Now before you all navigate away muttering things like "Ick" and "How vulgar!" lets all try to grow up a bit. It's a novelty gift - something to make you chuckle and blush - don't all pick up your pitchforks at once.

Look! They have little smiles! How could you possibly hate that? Look for them to be posted tomorrow - you get a group of three for $9.00.

I also have some raunchy embroidered items that should be posted later in the week. I seem to be on a kick lately - first closet kitsch, now sperm, next.. witty embroidery. Hopefully it will generate some sales as I seem to have hit a dry spell. ::sigh:: I need all the help I can get!

Success Stories....

2009-04-22T18:34:00.003-04:00

So the bread pudding yesterday - a success, the baked potatoes today - not so much. The yam got so hot it turned into goo and melted through the holes I punched in the foil.. only to burn itself to the bottom of the oven. Yum. It didn't taste bad, in fact, just the opposite, but the apartment is going to smell like yams forever now. Ick ick ick.

Should have just had pudding for dinner.

Wee Hours of the Morning.. well.. not yet.

2009-04-21T00:06:00.004-04:00

Hopefully I won't be up that long, but sleep seems to be illuding me of late... and I mean more than it does usually, which is really saying something. The weekend was a success - it was a great opportunity to relax even though I was plagued by Jelly Babies, which, thankfully, I've made a decision regarding. I'm going to attempt to have one of each color sitting around along with back up body parts in every color, I'm keeping them crochet to order, and I've raised the price by $1 - which may not seem like a lot but I'm hoping it will help me sleep at night. They're also getting around a bit, in addition to being posted in a forum on Indiepublic, I posted the Jelly Babies in a Tom Baker as Doctor Who homage today along with the replica of his scarf I crocheted a while back.. check it out here: http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=301884.msg3447858#msg3447858

In other news, I've been given an adorable little Napoleon to add to my collection of all things French Revolution. I seem to have an obsession with that time period and with the wee little general himself.

Isn't he adorable?!? Just look at the way he lords over everything with such authority!

He's a part of Harmony Kingdom's 2001 collection. I could never afford him but this weekend (while on vaca) I helped the people I was staying with move some furniture around and they wanted to repay me (which was TOTALLY unnecessary, but I digress).. what better way than with Napoleon? I certainly can't think of anything more fabulous.

I have one more Jelly Baby to crochet tomorrow - an Orange one.. and then I'm going to begin on my backups. I'm also going to attempt some Bread Pudding, Martha Stewart's recipe of course. We'll see how that turns out.. I hope well since I am seriously craving some. And I mean.. seriously craving.

Closet Kitsch

2009-04-17T11:56:00.004-04:00

So! I posted the Closet Kitsch yesterday - they're risque and hilarious and I can't get over them... Check them out here: http://tilliellie.etsy.com/

I also received a ton of orders for the Jelly Babies... well, not a ton, 4 actually, but when they're crochet to order, it seems like a ton. I think after I get this batch finished and sent to their new homes I'm going to rethink their crochet to order status.. cause it's a nightmare. Literally. I'm having nightmares about gelatinous babies following me into dark alleys - not a good sign.

Speaking of signs, I posted my first custom order yesterday as well with my new "custom listing" picture and, might I say, it's very snazzy.

I also managed to finish that Christmas present I was working on and, for once, it came out on the first try. I just hope they enjoy it.

Well, I'm off to New York everyone to make Jelly Babies all weekend... not exactly the relaxing vaca I was looking forward too, but, really, is it ever?

Of Presents and Networking..

2009-04-15T20:41:00.003-04:00

Woosh - it's been a long day. So long I acctually just used the word "woosh".... that's pretty damn long. Closet Kitsch is finished! And will be photographed and listed in all of its explicitness tomorrow... Frederick will also be finished tomorrow and listed. And in the midst of all of this I have a Christmas present to finish. Yes, hold the phone, I did just say Christmas. I'm headed to upstate New York this weekend to visit some friends who are almost impossible to buy for; I've been contemplating for months what to get them and (because I work incredibly well under pressure but not too well when I have all the time in the world) it suddenly hit me last night! I finished half of it today and I'm leaving the other half for tomorrow. I think tomorrow is going to be a long day as well.. Although I don't think I'm going to say "woosh" again.. I'm already regretting that.

I've also spent most of the day attempting to reach out to more of the online artistic community. I think it's an important thing to do if I'm going to expand my business and get myself out there. It's also fabulously fun meeting new people - it's one of the upsides to being in this business, there are so many talented, wonderful artists out there and it's a joy to be able to meet even a few of them.

I think it's going to be a long night tonight. I haven't been sleeping so well, I figure I might as well try and get some stuff done and give myself a bit of a break tomorrow. Besides, it gives me an excuse to watch some late night Boston Legal - who doesn't love that?

Okie Dokie..

2009-04-15T00:09:00.004-04:00

Enough with the moaning. Easter's over (thank god) and I've managed to be quite productive in the last two days. Monday I spent getting most of the custom order sock monkey done - who is to be named Fredrick, in case anyone was wondering - and baking a batch of unquestionably good cookies. Today, I listed the Jelly Babies in my Etsy shop...(I told you they were adorable!!)
... posted Ginger, the three-headed hydra that graced the pages of this blog about a month ago, on Craftster (check her out http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=301064.0), and worked on my entry for the Craftster Eggcellent Upcycling challenge which is making some serious progress.

Overall, I'd have to say I'm doing a fine job putting this Easter thing behind me and moving forward. There's alot of work to be done.. I just hope I have enough Caffine to do it...

Easter. Oh Dear...

2009-04-11T22:19:00.002-04:00

Easter and I haven't gotten along very well the last few years. I lost someone in my family who I loved desperately a week before Easter not too long ago and it's been hell ever since. I can't concentrate, I'm moody, clumsy, and I hardly sleep at all. I spend the entire week chanting to myself that I need to keep moving, keep busy, and I can make it through.... although, it never seems to work out that way. Inevitably something goes wrong and I turn into a complete mess of mush, I snap at people when I don't really mean to, and I always forget something.
......Like, for example, an Easter present for my Mother who goes through the trouble of hiding eggs for me every year just so we can laugh at my crappy egg detecting skills. So now here I am, 10:30 on the night before Easter crocheting her a multi-colored penis with fuzzy, multi-colored testicles. Yes, she'll love it.

I did manage to finish all of the Jelly Baby colors this week and added a new color - Mint Green. They are so cute, I could just eat them up - no pun intended, really. I'm going to post them and their overwhelming adorableness on Monday. Also, a customer (a real customer!) saw my grin in the Treasury and purchased it! And I have a custom order sock monkey in the works.. Closet Kitsch is, thankfully, well underway since it's the most fun I've had developing a pattern in a long time. It gives me the opportunity to let out my deviant side.. and she doesn't get out to play very much.

From that previous paragraph one would think I would be on cloud 9, but, frankly, I'm in a funk. I hate thinking about holidays and the way things used to be and how much I miss the good old days. It's all so depressing. I had an early Easter dinner at my one Grandmother's house today and, while walking out the door, I almost burst into tears thinking about how fragile relationships are and how easily people can just disappear from your life. I know, really cheery stuff. Tomorrow I spend Easter with my Father - one of the only people I know who has a harder time with Easter than I do. But we'll talk, we'll watch American Idol and eat pie and exchange gifts and we'll pretend we're not lonely and wishing things hadn't turned out like this. All I want to do is curl up in a huge blanket on the couch and watch Stargate episodes until my brain melts out of my ears.. it has to be better than this.

As much as I would like to stay and continue to depress everyone, I have a penis to make and the first season of Boston Legal to watch, for the fourth time... Hey, at least it's funny. Something should be.

Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting, Part Two

2009-04-04T21:41:00.003-04:00

Time to rejoice, people, the coral branches have officially been handed over to their new owner - and no, there isn't a trace of empty nest syndrom in sight in case any of you were wondering.. which I know you weren't because I'm way to scary to have any of you ask me a stupid question like that. Michael, the owner, loves loves loves them and is planning to set them up in his new display case dripping in jewelry within the next few weeks. So for all you Jersey residents, head down to Bodega in Asbury Park in a couple of weeks to see my beautiful work - and yes, they are beautiful.

As for the shop, it took me like 3 hours tuesday night to upload those pictures of the rings, but, according to Google Analytics (which I'm still not sure I'm reading correctly, but, I digress) they created alot of foot traffic which is the whole point. Also, I got a convo today from another Etsy seller telling me she included one of my Built In Grins in her Treasury.. woah. if that's not a compliment, I don't know what is. I'm hoping to get the sales back up though.. I just finished a new pattern for a Jelly Baby that I'm planning to make in Red, Orange, and Yellow. Those won't get posted until a prototype has been made for all three. So far I only have Red... but trust me, he's nothing to sneeze at. He will slay you with his cuteness.

AND in browsing through the craft books in my local Barnes & Noble, I had a brainstorm which, although I'm not totally comfortable talking about right now because I'm hugely paranoid and a complete basket case when it comes to talking about ideas before they're fully baked, I think is going to really sky-rocket the business..

Oh, and if it doesn't, I do have a fall back plan... I'm calling it "Closet Kitsch"
And the rest, guys and gals, I'm leaving to your imagination.

Has anyone ever been impressed by pillows?

2009-03-31T13:33:00.003-04:00

So if there was anyone who thought that Jim Gaffigan's next Comedy Central special, King Baby, wouldn't be funny.. they should be taken out behind a barn and shot. I don't think there's another man alive who could so totally sum up the woes of camping and throw pillows like he does. Besides, he was just on an episode of Flight of the Conchords.. and that gives him immense street cred - which I'm sure he totally cares about.

I've also decided that miniature Pellegrinos are god's gift to mankind.

Now, on to things that are actually important...
I got my shipment of ringbacks in last night and spent quite a bit of time creating new and exciting rings.. of which I'm only keeping two. That's a new low record for me and I'm very proud of myself. Of course, when I went to take pictures of them and the new Creamsicle popsicle I made yesterday, the camera crapped out and started blinking that irritating low battery symbol. Like I have time to sit around and wait for it to charge. Please, people.

So here I am, in limbo, unable to post anything until the camera battery decides it acctually wants to contribute - which could take some time. I think it may be feeling a bit underppreciated lately and now it's trying to get back at me. Or I could just be making that up in an attempt to give myself a reason for it's inability to work so I don't throw it out my bedroom window. Either way, I have time to kill.. back to Gaffigan I go.

Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting

2009-03-28T15:45:00.002-04:00

Running an Etsy shop requires vigilance, a constant stream of new ideas, a comprehensive Excel spreadsheet, and a 28 hour day... I'm still working on the last one.

This last week has been a hot trannie mess and I have to admit, I've loved every minute of it. Developing new patterns, restocking the shop when things sell - it's all fantastically stressful. There's nothing better than being able to sit in my room doing what I love all day while listening to Billy Joel records and eating ice cream.

And now it's Saturday, and things haven't slowed up. I got an order last night with two crochet-to-order items, I have a few things to make so I can re list them, there's a custom order I need to finish, and I developed a new pattern last night for a Desk Monster that's cute and creepy all at once and has so many possibilities for variety. Oh yeah, I'm back in the saddle, people. Watch out.

At least I have things to fill the time between now and September when I start Mason Gross. The future is bright, for once. I'm almost waiting for the other shoe to drop - almost. I'm planning a trip down the shore for next weekend to bring the coral branches to their intended home. (Why, yes, they are finished. I said it was a busy week.) I'll also be doing some tye-dying next Saturday...

As for tonight, I'm looking forward to another night in spent watching Stargate and crocheting. And you know, it never gets old.

Mondays...

2009-03-23T10:09:00.002-04:00

So today's the day I jump back in the saddle. After breakfast, I'll be picking those coral branches back up and showing them who's boss. I'm excited to get started again - I have a good feeling about them this time.

Speaking of good feelings, I sold another item this morning on Etsy - one of my whales with a crown. Looks like I'll be making another one of those later. This whole thing is too exciting for words. I'm printing the new business cards today, as well.. and that's exciting in and of itself.

Part of me wishes I could sit here all day blogging and zoning out and eating peanut butter cups... but the rest of me knows I'm a girl trying to make her way in the world, and that takes work. Though, the peanut butter cups can stay.

To The Moon...

2009-03-21T00:42:00.006-04:00

And so it seems this Etsy thing is taking off. I've already sold 5 items including both sock monkeys (who knew?) and one of the made-to-order peas in a pod. This thing might actually work - knock on wood. I developed two more new patterns in the last few days... I seem to be on a pattern writing roll. One is for some rather adorable popsicles that I've already listed:

Look - he has a real popsicle stick!
His adorableness is actually overwhelming at times. It's turning me into a bit of a sap really. Just looking at him, I feel myself melting into butter and fighting the urge to squeal. Sad - I know.

The other pattern is for a crocheted owl. It seems, as I've looked around Etsy, that every self-respecting amigurumi seller has an owl or an owl pattern listed. I've had the urge to make one for some time but wanted to do something completely different and completely me. As such, I've paired a unique shape with with some kitschy colors and ::poof:: my perfect owl is born. I made a bit of a flock of them today and I should be posting them tomorrow.

Now that I got my shipment of 50 pairs of safety eyes in, there's nothing holding me back. I feel like a woman on a mission, determined to make the best go of this as I possibly can, not to be held back by disappointing business cards and sleep deprivation... seriously, don't get me started on the business cards, they're a nightmare.. but we're moving on.

In more personal news, I'm going to be taking a hiatus from people for the next week - I've turned my cell off and I'm not checking my facebook. This is a crucial time for me... I have a shop to stock up and coral branches to finish and I don't have time to let people rain all over my creative process parade. Which means, in a nutshell, that seven days of intense sewing, crocheting, and Boston Legal watching are in my future.. and, frankly, I'm really looking forward to it. I could use a break from the drama for a few days.

Eat Your Vegetables.

2009-03-17T16:50:00.005-04:00

So it seems I've sold my first item - Alice, one of my sock monkeys. She's headed off this Saturday to her new home and is quite excited about it. Not as excited as I am to have sold something, but we can't all be as jolly as me, can we?

In other news, I developed a new idea and a new pattern yesterday. It's a peapod with three peas and the one in the middle is a wee bit different than the other two.

Not only is it absolutely adorable, but it's a gentile reminder that it's okay to be different in a world full of mundane assholes. Besides, who doesn't love a good mohawk?

I have another idea I'm going to try out tonight that I think will work out well. I'm going to attempt to list at least one new item a day. I hope it helps to keep the sales coming.

Next Monday I have to start the coral branches back up and I can honestly say that I'm ready for them and their angst-ridden issues this time. Like I said before, at least they don't talk back.

TilliEllie's Carnival of Kitsch is Officially Open for Business!

2009-03-14T09:03:00.002-04:00

Click on the title to check out my brand new Etsy shop!

Something New Everyday...

2009-03-13T14:08:00.007-04:00

You know, I realized something today - I work extremely well under pressure. I keep my cool, I'm level-headed, I make quick decisions, I don't second guess myself, and at the end of the day, whatever I'm working on comes out famously. So in the case of the coral branches that are waking nightmares at this point, I'm going to use that to my advantage. As of this morning, I've put them in a plastic bag not to be looked at again until 1 week before they're to be sent off. I do better when I have alot of work to do and a little time to do it, I don't agonize over every little decision, I don't continually undo and redo things, because there isn't time for that. My creative brain seems to thrive under constraints and I'm going to give it the opportunity to do so...

Now that we've got that update out of the way.. here's Ginger, the newest addition to my plush toy family, enjoying the morning sun among the plants.

She's such an adorable mythical, three-headed beast, don't you think?

And, as promised, some teasers from my soon-to-be Etsy shop:

Is this a joke?

2009-03-12T23:27:00.003-04:00

I seem to be asking myself that a lot in the last few days.

The first incident occurred around 4pm yesterday while I was watching a Stargate:Atlantis episode I had recorded from earlier in the day. The whole episode, entitled "Sunday," started out so innocent and funny with Col. Sheppard trying to teach Ronon to golf and Dr. Weir going on a date and just when you think it couldn't get any better.... they go and kill off Dr. Beckett. Pan camera left and there I am standing with my mouth open crying like a baby and trying to convince myself that yes, this is real and no, you're never going to see Carson's amazing faux-hawk again. And, yes, it was amazing. Granted the show was a re-run and I "knew" he died, I didn't think it would be in such a senseless, unnecessary way. Ugh.

The most recent incident occurred only a few minutes ago (I mean it people.. this is like the Oscars - live, but with about a 5 minute delay) when I realized that my "Everyone my own age that I meet either wants to date me or be me" theory isn't just egotistical nonsense and does have some basis in fact. I wish I could go into more detail but I'm afraid if I do I'll end up being edited for content by the network - you're just going to have to trust me on this one. It's a shame certain people couldn't have an original idea if it beat them senseless over the head with a sign that says "Hey, fucko, I'm an original idea."

And you know, it amazes even me that while putting aside the loss that is Carson Beckett, I managed to get everything done that I wanted to including finishing the illusive Hydra plush toy.

I also finished all of my Etsy stock. Yes, I said all of it ladies and gents. Prepare to be amazed... like tomorrow or Saturday. Right now I need some sleep.. well, first I need to stop being completely enraged by everything, then I can try sleeping... Pictures of the Hydra to follow tomorrow along with some tantalizing snapshots of Etsy items before they're posted... until then, here's a picture of my beloved Carson to hold you over.

::sigh::

Vacation? I think so.

2009-03-10T12:20:00.002-04:00

So the Philly flower show was this past weekend; I drove down there Friday with my Mother and Grandmother, in an attempt to do some intergenerational bonding, and stayed over until Saturday afternoon. I wouldn't say the exhibits were fantastic this year, but the vendors were, and it was exactly what I needed to get away from all of the crap for a few days. I think it put everything back in perspective a bit, and if it didn't, being kidnapped by one of my closest friends Saturday night certainly did. It's nice to be reminded that people care about you and friendships aren't just one-sided.. which seemed to have been the theme last week.

On the up-side, I got quite a bit done yesterday, now that I can acctually focus on what's important, including taking pictures of everything I've made for Etsy (excluding the plush toys) and finishing the 4" coral branches. I started the 7" yesterday as well, had a minor meltdown, but pressed on, determined not to over-think it again. I'm so gun-shy about the boutique owner not liking them, it's fucking with my entire creative process, which is causing me to eat copious amounts of Nutter Butters. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to have to do yoga everyday if I want to continue to fit in my size 4 jeans without a muffin top.

It's like a Circus Sometimes....

2009-03-04T17:03:00.002-05:00

Who knew the whales would turn out to be such a good idea - it seems my attachment to the tiny coral collections is acctually a blessing in disguise. The finished products fit it much better with the rest of the items in the store, it's much more cohesive now. Over the weekend I picked up the last few things I need to take pictures of the items and tonight I'm headed to Staples to get tags and a hole punch. It all seems to be coming together so quickly...

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I'm working on the red coral branches that need to be finished by the end of this month. The order is for one 10", two 7", and three 4" branches. I have two out of the three 4" ones completed and am almost finished with the last one. It's more difficult than I thought it would be to create variety and uniqueness between the lot of them and they're an unruly bunch in the base case with something always seeming to go wrong - I keep losing hooks, pictures are disappearing, and the cat keeps trying to wander off with them no matter how many bags I put them in or where I try to hide them. This hasn't been an easy comission from the get go but I'm not one to give up. On the upside, at least they don't talk back.

Real life doesn't seem to be going quite as swimmingly either. I went to see Taken over the weekend and was thoroughly disappointed - I wish someone would have taken him and spared us all an hour and a half. That, coupled with the fact that it never seems to get warm around here, the people I'm dealing with and their problems, and the abhorrent grilled cheese sandwich I had today for lunch, left me starved for satisfaction. I need a vacation from bullshit, from people that think I need coddling even though I seem to be the only one that has it together, from disappointing food, from re-runs of shows that are supposed to be new, and from my cat and her incessant need to play with her god damned stuffed spider.....
sometimes a person just needs to be left alone for a couple of days or buy excessive amounts of Nutter Butters.